Messed

On the day I left my job my disposition shifted.

I felt a positive perception despite people not answering my calls and rejecting me.

I started to think about the maxim of maximising good instead of maximising profit. I am beginning to remember empathy, feeling, and doing good.

Work had left my body and mind messed up.

Like many, I was trapped in the cycle of self obsession and craving more. It was a never ending quest of more for myself.

At the same time, I have become desensitised by the world around me. I was becoming accustomed to and unaffected by emotion, teaching, and wrongdoing.

My mind has been all over the place. I was constantly taking in information but it was not sinking in. I read gems in this blog and then forgot about them later. One moment, I felt determined and the next I lost the drive.

It is time to leave that behind. I will go back to basics.

The Next Phase

My next phase in life is scary. I admit it.

It is daunting to jump from stability into uncertainty. Leaping into the unknown. A myriad of possibilities.

I am fully aware that there will be many highs and lows. At the same time, I am confident and optimistic knowing that I already have two of the three things to create a success*.

What I am working towards surpasses all. All my past accomplishments pale into insignificance.

The flicker of ambition has lay dormant, in a state of hibernation. Though it has dimmed, I still feel it in my heart. All it needs is dry tinder for it to be rekindled, myself reawakened.

I am going to get up. I am going to take a pounding. I am going to get up again. I am going to take a pounding. I know it is about how mentally tough I am to take the hits. To keep going when the hits come. Learning and adapting.

At the same time, I will replace these things I currently do but will make an effort to avoid when I retire (worry and get annoyed about things, get grumpy in the morning, waste time on news/internet/phone/tv, work in a job I don't like, worry about finances and the stockmarket) with these things I will do when I retire, doing them now (have a close relationship with God, be surrounded by friends and family, be smiling and appreciate life not having to worry, be fit and healthy, have travelled/travel to the most amazing places, reflect on the amazing experiences I have had in my life, made a positive difference to the lives of others).

I will convert the unproductive time into happy time (or time where I think about my goals and strategise). The way to achieve my happiness year is to lift my steady state. I haven't been actively putting in the time or effort to lifting my steady state. I am now.

* - You need three things to create a successful startup: to start with good people, to make something customers actually want, and to spend as little money as possible.