Update 2024: I realise this post was garbage. After writing it, I experienced my worst year. 2020 was the worst year. There was nothing actionable from this post.
--
I verbalised that reason behind my sadness. I feel rushed. Rushed to get married. Rushed to visit everywhere. Rushed to recoup my losses.
If time was not ticking, I wouldn't be sad.
It stems from not being satisfied with the present.
First, I ask myself can I control my situation? If so, then I can plan what to do. If not, I accept what is without resistance or planning.
Second, I must take a moment each day to be aware of my body and think of a positive thing to do to another person, make a time each week to meditate, and a time each month to revisit my mental health.
Third, I need to plan what my life will be like as if I had an year to fulfill everything I want. Time is the most scarce resource I have. Life is temporary. I must value it and focus on making every year the best it can be. Many people are afraid of death and their fear makes them ill.
Fourth, I must not simply chase material things or goals. I remember the tale of the fisherman who found a turtle who granted him wishes, but the fisherman wanted more and more. He was never satisfied with what he had and eventually it led to his downfall. I penned the following about desires.
---
Memories flash.
Tears flow.
The world stops between the inhale and the exhale. Taking in this moment.
All aspirations. What for?
My heart is heavy, burdened, rough and blue.
I cradle it. Give it comfort from the pain. I shine yellow and orange light on it.
I tell my heart it is going to be ok. I accept my imperfect tendencies, my impulsiveness, my loss, and how I have let myself be hurt.
I know above all this, I need to appreciate what is most important. My state of mind, my mental and physical health and my family.
Money doesn't mean anything relative to this. I still have some wealth and that's good. But even if I have all the money in the world, it doesn't matter compared to my mind, my health and my family.
It's so easy to forget as life gets in the way. I remember how important it is.
Always lulled into fleshly desires of money and lust throughout my life. But neglecting myself. Harming myself in the process. Damaging my health.
If time was not ticking, I wouldn't be sad.
It stems from not being satisfied with the present.
First, I ask myself can I control my situation? If so, then I can plan what to do. If not, I accept what is without resistance or planning.
Second, I must take a moment each day to be aware of my body and think of a positive thing to do to another person, make a time each week to meditate, and a time each month to revisit my mental health.
Third, I need to plan what my life will be like as if I had an year to fulfill everything I want. Time is the most scarce resource I have. Life is temporary. I must value it and focus on making every year the best it can be. Many people are afraid of death and their fear makes them ill.
Fourth, I must not simply chase material things or goals. I remember the tale of the fisherman who found a turtle who granted him wishes, but the fisherman wanted more and more. He was never satisfied with what he had and eventually it led to his downfall. I penned the following about desires.
---
Memories flash.
Tears flow.
The world stops between the inhale and the exhale. Taking in this moment.
All aspirations. What for?
My heart is heavy, burdened, rough and blue.
I cradle it. Give it comfort from the pain. I shine yellow and orange light on it.
I tell my heart it is going to be ok. I accept my imperfect tendencies, my impulsiveness, my loss, and how I have let myself be hurt.
I know above all this, I need to appreciate what is most important. My state of mind, my mental and physical health and my family.
Money doesn't mean anything relative to this. I still have some wealth and that's good. But even if I have all the money in the world, it doesn't matter compared to my mind, my health and my family.
It's so easy to forget as life gets in the way. I remember how important it is.
Always lulled into fleshly desires of money and lust throughout my life. But neglecting myself. Harming myself in the process. Damaging my health.
