When I reflect on the past decade, my main regret is by far my gambling followed by playing games. But there are not many things I would have changed.
My friend turning 40 gave me a wake up call.
I can't believe I am almost 40.
Half of my life gone. My mum is getting old with grey hairs and a hunchback. Time just goes by so damn quickly. I think of myself as a spritely 20-something year old but I am not. I feel extremely sad that I won't be young anymore and that my mum is getting old. No matter what I do I can't change that. I became old before I knew it. I try to grasp time by ticking off things I enjoy, by having goals, by having a bucket list. But time is still passing. I grieve for my youth, even though for the most part I did achieve what I wanted to achieve.
Nothing really matters. I reflect on mortality and time more than most but no matter what I do I can't stop time. That's why I retired early, spurred on by listening to Avicii - I Could Be The One on repeat. That's why I don't work even though my good friends earn 200-300k per year.
I put effort into looking young. But my looks will fade.
I put effort into getting rich. But I can't take money to the grave.
I know I have to accept I am 40, but I don't feel 40 and most people think I am in my mid-20s. I still like dating around. I only have this limited time left. I must do whatever I want now. I could start a property or Airbnb business. I could start a broking business. I could start a tutoring business. I could work in FIFO on a two week on, two week off schedule. I could continue developing property. I could earn 300k per year (or 200k after tax), but it doesn't bring me happiness.
Most people waste their life working in something that they dislike, not enjoying their life, not going for their dreams, while becoming overweight, mindlessly consuming media, and going through issues that they are unhappy with (be it political, societal, physical, mental). This is a terrible predicament. Before you know it your life is over and you did absolutely nothing, your employer or society was in control of your life and it is over. There is no amount of money in the world that can bring your life back.
That's why I want to have someone by my side, especially since the effort to find multiple girls is huge and the effort only increases as I age, plus I have a lower sex drive, and I may break the law.
That's why I want to go on cruises.
That's why I want to do activities I enjoy (travel, golf, water rides, driving nice cars, singing, having nice meals)
I keep asking myself do I want to rewind my life to when I am 20 and honestly I don't have a clear answer.
I worked the jobs I wanted. I have been in many industries. Career wise, I achieved everything I wanted at a young age. I retired before 30. I travelled a lot. I dated a lot of girls. I have a few good friends. My health and fitness is excellent for my age. I look young. I made money and have three properties. Yes, I could have had 12 properties if I didn't lose it trading. I regularly reflect on my losses of $3 million if I didn't do anything or $8 million if I continued working and developing property. I also feel defeated from losing continually month after month. My heart feels sad reflecting on what happened. I am angry about the time I lost in 2020-21 just as much as I am angry about the money lost.
However, I had planned to retire with 1-1.5m and that objective is still met from when I did retire in early 2015. I still can achieve 100k per year in passive income once I pay off my home loans. Most people would be satisfied with three properties and most of the debt paid off. Plus, I still have an opportunity to make money trading or through property or another venture.
Yes, of course I like to be young again. However, I see bleak prospects for young people in the coming decade.
Despite my losses and whatever age I may be, I only have one life. There is no point dwelling on my losses or my age as there is nothing I can do about it. To find inner peace, do not dwell on a thought or feeling. Allow the thought or feeling to come and go without focusing on it, letting it float past like a cloud. I am not how I feel. No matter what has happened in the past, I cannot change the past. Let it go.
Acceptance is the only way to achieve peace with the past and move forward. Removing that attachment to how things should be means we can allow in acceptance of everything right here and right now. Every day I spend mourning the past is another day of my life that just slipped away. Importantly, we all have so little time remaining in life, no matter if we are young or old. My life is slipping by and it is over before I know it. Today is the youngest I will ever be. The key lesson is: I can either not live* (as was the case in 2020-21 where my happy to sad days ratio was the worst ever. Having said that, I need to appreciate what happened - I saved my mum and my sister's lives and I learnt not to directionally trade the markets without a backtested strategy and now I learnt to live so it is worth it at the end) or live a life I enjoy. If a week goes by where you are not fully living, ask yourself is there something I should change in my life. Am I going to live or am I going to die?
Our decision for what we are going to do in our lives is the only thing we can control as all external factors are out of our control.
The only thing I can do is go for what makes me happy for both the short and long term (a long term girl, travel, activities, time with family, fitness). The truth hits me so hard. This realisation makes me feel more alive than ever and I awake to a new dawn.
