The title of this blog is Happy No Matter What
However, if I am being honest with myself I have completely neglected my happiness.
I keep pursuing other goals and at the same time my happiness levels are dire. How did I go through 2020-21 experiencing the least happy to sad faced days ever? It is primarily from neglecting happiness.
I read a psychology study which said 'while happiness can indeed be learned, the key to sustaining its benefits lies in continuous practice'.
I know a great deal of theory about happiness, but I am not happy. It is as if I read a book or watch a movie and I forget about it as time passes.
The study suggests that evidence informed habits only work if they are maintained over time
- gratitude (gratitude scan for something I am grateful for or celebrate today, external scan appreciating what is around us such as smells and laughter, while not dwelling on negative thoughts)
- mindfulness/meditation (internal body scan focusing on all of my senses, hara then below naval and out of body feeling love, deep breathes) with affirmation (I am worthy, I am enough as I am, and I can do it while visualising being calm and grounded)
- exercise
- journalling
- generosity (helping others, performing acts of kindness, being with friends)
- anticipation (schedule a joyful activity to look forward to, such as a regular nice meal, singing, or a holiday, or do something spontaneous such as going on a swing)
An uplift from performing these "happiness hacks" is not inherently lasting. Only those who actively continued to practice the “happiness hacks” managed to maintain the improved levels of wellbeing over the long term.
I regularly exercise and journal but I don't set time aside to practice gratitude and meditation. Moving forward, I will implement gratitude and mindfulness alongside my exercise routine and perform an act of kindness each week.
I must regularly reflect on what makes people happy and what makes me happy.
I know that two thirds of my happiness is dervied from fun and social activities and travel. I will make an effort to implement these activities 3 or more times each week.
I must focus on happiness goals instead of money goals. To do this, I must make happiness a habit.
I know that working doesn't make me happy. I have worked over 30 jobs. I feel down from all my jobs in the past (VPS, CVS, QS). I was given performance warnings and was treated like shit in most of my jobs. None of them were satisfying nor provided a long term social aspect. Working is not what I really want. Why the fuck I am forcing myself to do something I don't want to do? It's not how I want to spend my limited time on this planet. I'd rather spend my precious time pursuing my goals or what makes me happy.
The only reason for work is to provide a little extra money. However, I already met my retirement goal and that money is not going to make any meaningful difference to my life. A job does provides a social aspect to it and is a way to keep busy, however, there are many other means to satisfy my social needs and keep busy too.
A job would make me less inclined to go after my goals as I spend all my time working. I already worked many jobs after retirement and none provided satisfaction. In fact, working was the second highest contributor to my unhappiness during my years studying and working, which is competely opposite from my main goal of being happy.
How can I value a precious day gone? Or a whole day applying for job? The job is only temporary anyway. A job is not lasting.
A business or career means nothing to me. Many extended family members and people in general are too materialistic. Rich, selfish, and focused on money. Is driving a Porsche all there is to life?
I am wasting my life. Each day passes by. I have trauma from the past
- trauma with God for never answering prayers, leading to pent up pain with religion
- trauma from the past with financial hurt and gambling, where 70% of my unhappiness was the result of trading
- being consumed by the news, for example anger from the Gaza war and jealousy from stories of others making it rich, which leads to comparison and feels of inadequacy (I attempted to remove news however I keep succombing when I am bored)
- a recent desire to find a partner and thinking that it is too late
I recently recalled a family friend who died with $3 million cash. No-one even cares. You spend your whole life building wealth. For what?
How much money would I need to give up in the next 12 years of my life, such that I am 50 years old now? For me it is $10 million ($1 million saved per year). This is the value of time.
'All those days that came and went and little did you know, they were your life' - Stig Johansson
Some useful tips from books I read
The Untethered Soul
I spent all day doing things I enjoy but I am not happy. My mind was constantly distracted with checking the latest news. Your inner growth is completely dependent upon the realisation that the only way to find peace and contentment is to stop thinking about yourself. The 'I' or inner voice who is always talking inside will never be content. It always has a problem with something.
Open my heart at all times. If I open my heart, I get for free what everybody is struggling for: love, enthusiasm, excitement, and energy (and healing from the energy). Nothing is that important for me to close my heart over it. If I feel I want to close it, say 'No, I'm not going to close, I'm going to relax and let this situation take place and be there with it. Embrace life with all my heart and soul.
On reflection, I took to heart wrongs I perceived my sister and close friends did to me, the envy I feel from other people who lived the life I wanted and friends earning what I perceived I was worth, the pain from the continual losses from trading, the reality not meeting expectations. I closed my heart. I have to let go of these old energies or Samskaras. I have to be open, relax my heart and forgive.
