Internal Struggle

This time. Sometimes.

It always creeps up.

I fight a battle against myself. An internal battle. Mind wars. It is a struggle. Never perfected. Opening up in public. Patience. Self belief. Ambition. These are qualities that are not inbred in me. Instead, they must be cultivated.

I struggle against my lack of energy. I struggle against fear of failure. I struggle with the golden rule. To love others as myself. I don't love myself enough. I don't love others enough. I feel inadequate sometimes. I place some people ahead of others. I am impatient far too often. Vicious, destructive, painful thoughts. Thoughts which don't help me or others at all.

I tell myself constantly to know and accept myself. I tell myself to treat everyone as a volunteer. I tell myself to be indifferent to negativity, to not care so much. I remind myself of motivational quotes. I push myself to go for growth.

Yet, always, it is difficult.