At the break of dawn I awoke from my sleep. I couldn't get back to sleep so I visualised my future. I counted the years from my birth to the present and then pictured how life looks in the future. I saw a fit and healthy me at 40 standing by the side of a pool in a resort with a beautiful fit wife by my side and a smile across my face. I saw myself having a exquisite dinner with my wife and two children at 60 in the warm glow of our dining room. I saw myself kissing my wife on the forehead at 80 and reflecting upon the happiness in my life thinking back to today when I made a decision to myself that changed my life forever.
I have experienced many happy days this year, but through it all I felt weighed down by the expectation, stress and pressure on my shoulders.
When I awoke today I felt my heart leap for joy. I had an epiphany. It sent my world spinning.
Don't worry/want. Be happy. Let go. (Paul Van Dyke)
From this day on-wards, I make a decision to let go of all worry and stress, want and need, and ego with its associated fears and expectations.
The big enemy of happiness is worry, which comes from focusing on events that are outside your control rather than what you can do. Jesus taught us not to worry about our life or tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Worry never ends. Over all the years of my life I have had worries come, go, and come again. I worried about my exams, games, girls, jobs, finances, and family. Some advice on stress minimisation is found in (Healthy Living).
I have experienced many happy days this year, but through it all I felt weighed down by the expectation, stress and pressure on my shoulders.
When I awoke today I felt my heart leap for joy. I had an epiphany. It sent my world spinning.
Don't worry/want. Be happy. Let go. (Paul Van Dyke)
From this day on-wards, I make a decision to let go of all worry and stress, want and need, and ego with its associated fears and expectations.
The big enemy of happiness is worry, which comes from focusing on events that are outside your control rather than what you can do. Jesus taught us not to worry about our life or tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Worry never ends. Over all the years of my life I have had worries come, go, and come again. I worried about my exams, games, girls, jobs, finances, and family. Some advice on stress minimisation is found in (Healthy Living).
I documented some of my worries after an appointment with a psychologist (August 2013). My psychologist said that they were pretty normal and fairly common. The worries are minor when I look at them. There was no point in getting worried about them in the first place. The bottom line is that worry does not make me happy.
I have attained pretty much all the goals I set but they don't bring me happiness, instead I keep wanting more. Achieving what I wanted never brought me lasting happiness. It just leaves me wanting more. It is a constant cycle of setting goals, achieving them, setting more ambitious goals, and never experiencing true joy. After returning to work for the past month and being left broken, I learn not to let my want for a new job control my life (November 2012). I will learn to ‘dream and not make dreams your master’ and let go of the attachment to the want.
People say 'I want happiness'. First remove the 'I', that's ego, then remove 'want', that's desire. Then all you are left with is happiness.
The only certainties I have are that I don't like darkness (with Jesus being my last resort)* and my primary aim is happiness. I don't have other certainties. I don't know if the world exists, if I exist, if time exists, if money exists, if God exists, if anything is real.
I make a decision starting today to put an end to worry and want no matter what. The outcome does not matter, neither does money nor other people. I realise there is no time to waste to enjoy and appreciate everything that life has to offer, including all the highs and the lows, especially since there are only 20,000 days left in my life.
* I had a nightmare where darkness enveloped me and I was very scared. I screamed twice and called out to Jesus for help and it went away. I had another nightmare where I was stopped by a woman outside a whorehouse. My heart dropped. I was very scared and shivering, and my heart was racing for a long time. I had been feeling strong earlier that day, but my hands felt cold. I called out to Jesus and the Bible. I know that Jesus is my last resort. I don't know whether this was something I dreamed up internally or whether it is something external. There may be something bigger out there outside the physical world.
- Things are are not going right today, so I want to leave the risk out until tomorrow. I feel uncertain and need validation.
- A girl is not responding to me when I thought she'd respond. I regret not talking to more girls in a venue.
- I left a banana at work today and it may go rotten. I also should have spoken to my manager about taking leave today.
I have attained pretty much all the goals I set but they don't bring me happiness, instead I keep wanting more. Achieving what I wanted never brought me lasting happiness. It just leaves me wanting more. It is a constant cycle of setting goals, achieving them, setting more ambitious goals, and never experiencing true joy. After returning to work for the past month and being left broken, I learn not to let my want for a new job control my life (November 2012). I will learn to ‘dream and not make dreams your master’ and let go of the attachment to the want.
People say 'I want happiness'. First remove the 'I', that's ego, then remove 'want', that's desire. Then all you are left with is happiness.
The only certainties I have are that I don't like darkness (with Jesus being my last resort)* and my primary aim is happiness. I don't have other certainties. I don't know if the world exists, if I exist, if time exists, if money exists, if God exists, if anything is real.
I make a decision starting today to put an end to worry and want no matter what. The outcome does not matter, neither does money nor other people. I realise there is no time to waste to enjoy and appreciate everything that life has to offer, including all the highs and the lows, especially since there are only 20,000 days left in my life.
* I had a nightmare where darkness enveloped me and I was very scared. I screamed twice and called out to Jesus for help and it went away. I had another nightmare where I was stopped by a woman outside a whorehouse. My heart dropped. I was very scared and shivering, and my heart was racing for a long time. I had been feeling strong earlier that day, but my hands felt cold. I called out to Jesus and the Bible. I know that Jesus is my last resort. I don't know whether this was something I dreamed up internally or whether it is something external. There may be something bigger out there outside the physical world.
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