Emotional Change

I am now agnostic, indifferent, and aspire to cultivate joy.

I had a range of emotions I felt when I was growing up:

• Inflated ego
• Superiority complex, I believed I was better than others even if it were not true
• Cheating, I would do anything to win even if it meant breaking the rules
• Low self esteem
• Anger, I kept count of what good and bad things other kids did to me and would play out situations of revenge
• Attached, I would easily be affected and feel hurt from other people's words and actions, particularly if I was bullied
• Needy, I wanted the approval of others and would chase girls too far
• Closed, I didn't like to talk about myself, reveal information I knew to others, and I never admitted failure or anything that would make me look bad
• Shy, I was fearful of talking to people and would let others take control
• Afraid, I was scared of the supernatural and of unfamiliar situations
• Volatile, my emotions would fluctuate quickly from happy to sad
• Competitive, I viewed everything as a competition and hated losing
• Compulsive, I suffered from an obsessive compulsive disorder to make sure everything is perfect
• Curious, I would always want to find out the answers or search for material that was restricted from me

I learnt that I need to think for a few minutes before I act, particularly when I am emotional, so that I don't make rash emotion based decisions.

Related to this I had a lot of varying interests when I was growing. Among these were watches, multi-functional devices, maps, caravans (home-cars), stories (gimmy family and toys), mazes, trivia, economic charts, tv shows, math races, anatomy, home and garden, national geographic, and music.