The Grant Study shows that the happy, successful, and physically well men in their 80s have these attributes in their lives:
- Calm and composed with the opposite sex, not anxious
- Confident about sex, not afraid of it
- Thought that sexually, people are not animals
- Put other people's needs first
- Remembered the existence of others, not wrapped up in their own interests
- Open in all situations, not putting up a wall when the situation requires it
- Kept people close, not at a distance
- Did not have feelings they thought might become destructive
Men who were the opposite had a discomfort about the emotional aspects of life, and a resulting self-doubt, pessimism, and fearfulness. The more at ease men were with their feelings, the more successful they were for the rest of their lives.
The study showed that there is a single yes/no question that could predict whether someone would be alive and happy at age 80: “Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at four in the morning to tell your troubles to?". The capacity to love and be loved was the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age 80. The capacity for empathetic relationships predicts economic, health and relationship success.
The clearest message is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Social connections are good for us and loneliness kills. People who are more socially connected are happier, physically healthier and living longer. People who are more isolated are less happy, their health declines earlier, their brain function declines earlier, and they live shorter lives. It's the quality of your close relationships that counts. High conflict marriages are bad your health, while warm relationships are protective. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships in their 50s were the healthiest at age 80. The people who were happiest in retirement were the ones who actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. It is not about fame, wealth, and high achievement. It is about relationships with family, friends, and community. Some practical steps include replacing screen time with people time, doing something new in a stale relationship, reaching out to a family member you haven't spoke to in a while.
The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.
The study showed that there is a single yes/no question that could predict whether someone would be alive and happy at age 80: “Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at four in the morning to tell your troubles to?". The capacity to love and be loved was the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age 80. The capacity for empathetic relationships predicts economic, health and relationship success.
The clearest message is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Social connections are good for us and loneliness kills. People who are more socially connected are happier, physically healthier and living longer. People who are more isolated are less happy, their health declines earlier, their brain function declines earlier, and they live shorter lives. It's the quality of your close relationships that counts. High conflict marriages are bad your health, while warm relationships are protective. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships in their 50s were the healthiest at age 80. The people who were happiest in retirement were the ones who actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. It is not about fame, wealth, and high achievement. It is about relationships with family, friends, and community. Some practical steps include replacing screen time with people time, doing something new in a stale relationship, reaching out to a family member you haven't spoke to in a while.
The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.
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