January 2019
Tears well up in my eyes. I have been holding it in for too
long.
Where do I start? How did it all lead to this?
So many areas of my life are disappointing last year. The
only thing holding me up is my health and fitness and the love from my family.
I wanted last year to be about finally getting results with
girls. I ended up with perhaps 50 dates, maybe 10 kisses, but only 1
conversion. I remember feeling terrible after two dates cancelled me on my last
night knowing I had no results after 5 days in a city. I blamed travelling too
much and staying in one city only 2 to 7 days. I know it’s not purely this. My
game is simply not good enough. I took a program to improve my skillset and
realised I am not where others are. I must keep working on my skillset each
week, briefing and debriefing.
I feel the sting of being asset rich and cash poor. The
conversion of loans to full repayments have crushed my cash flow. I am now cash
flow neutral and it is tougher living on lower cash flow. I keep losing with my
investments, even after I quit day trading. The majority of the year was fine
until I tried to ride the Santa rally but ended up getting slaughtered instead.
I am trying to learn as much as I can about investing from others who are good,
particularly with Elliott Wave analysis, because I will always have investments
and the profits or losses will exceed employment income. I know I should hold
onto most of my property investments rather than take on unnecessary risk
because property has historically kept pace or exceeded the rate of inflation. I
finally completed a property development plagued with issues including
difficulties obtaining finance, delays, and cost overruns, but it came several
months late as the market is turning south. I am frustrated by the issues with
property development and management, and I believe I should take a more passive
approach.
I let down my friends by being inconsiderate. I think of
myself too much, letting down friends and family at times.
I am disillusioned with God. I admit I don’t know whether
there is God. I simply know there is the universe.
I had external factors putting me down, such as the police
interrogating me, my family wanting me to settle down.
I lost belief. My mood was not great. I was travelling too much.
I visited close to 100 cities. While some of the travel was enjoyable, I don’t
really feel excitement or happy visiting another country or place.
I lost sight of happiness. By neglecting happiness, my life
overall is not as happy as it was.
While I focus on the negative aspects, the year was slightly
below average but not terrible. I am satisfied with how much I have travelled
and how I have kept myself despite continually being on the road. I have had
years which were worse.
All this is recoverable. I still have my health. I am still
intelligent. I can restore my belief. I rewrote my vision board this year and
listed my affirmations. I have things I am working on. I am revisiting the
words I penned. I look forward to a happier and more successful 2019.
If you had all the money and all time in the world what
would you do? Respect parent’s opinions but I choose my own purpose.
--
December 2019
As we approach the end of 2019, I reflect on my musings at
the start of the year.
2019 has been a memorable year. I wouldn’t say a good year
or a bad year.
Two major things transpired.
I had more sex than I had in my entire life previously. I
dated 300 girls, closed 35. Dating dominated my time. It was time consuming and
addictive. Sex doesn’t make me happy. It is kind of pointless. Honestly, I am
satisfied I was able to achieve this having come from a conservative upbringing
where I was bound by my social anxiety and religion in particular where I never
intended to have sex before marriage until at 24 when I had a change of mind. I
was sexually frustrated resorting to pornography. I had a great neediness and
bitterness. Despite the satisfaction from achieving this, I realise sex is not
everything. There is the craving for sex during a dry spell, a release
afterwards, but no real satisfaction. There was only one girl out of the lot
that I probably saw any future with. I was just a fuckboy and while it was an
experience, I don’t find it fulfilling. In fact, I don’t have many happy days
this year. Even though I have had tasted what success looks like, I still have
much to learn. I know I am not at the level other people are at with their game
and I must keep briefing, debriefing and learning.
The second thing, was the immense trading losses I incurred.
I lost half a million dollars. It wasn’t going well at the start of the year
when I took a bought a 3x inverse S&P 500 ETF and was down 50%. And it
completely exploded after I sold a property and put the proceeds into the
shorting the market. I was blindly following two people from Elliott Wave
analysis who I thought had the answers instead of following my own indicators. It
completely destroyed my portfolio. At the end of the year my portfolio is down 99%. I would have actually been up quite substantially
if I had followed my own indicators instead. I lament the poor decisions. I do
pray I can take some of my learnings and improve for the future, although the
future is still a mystery. For now, making good investment decisions is the
major priority for me after the huge losses I incurred.
I was hit hard mentally from the trading losses. Somehow, I
am still ok. Touch wood, I don’t have depression. While my physical condition
has deteriorated from limited exercise it is still reasonable and I have been
eating right.
The other aspect of the year is travel. I have been
able to travel somewhat. While I travelled less than in 2018, it was certainly
more than 99% of people. I visited a few new countries and many cities. I am
motivated to continue to strive for 100 countries in the next year after seeing
a few people complete or near their goal of visiting every country in the
world.
I wasn’t able to achieve what I set out in my vision board.
I will rework it to focus on my priorities for the year – namely investment
success (surviving the year, restoring my portfolio). I plan to travel to 100
countries and improve my texting ability.
