Friday, January 3, 2020

Year in Review

January 2019

Tears well up in my eyes. I have been holding it in for too long.

Where do I start? How did it all lead to this?

So many areas of my life are disappointing last year. The only thing holding me up is my health and fitness and the love from my family.

I wanted last year to be about finally getting results with girls. I ended up with perhaps 50 dates, maybe 10 kisses, but only 1 conversion. I remember feeling terrible after two dates cancelled me on my last night knowing I had no results after 5 days in a city. I blamed travelling too much and staying in one city only 2 to 7 days. I know it’s not purely this. My game is simply not good enough. I took a program to improve my skillset and realised I am not where others are. I must keep working on my skillset each week, briefing and debriefing.

I feel the sting of being asset rich and cash poor. The conversion of loans to full repayments have crushed my cash flow. I am now cash flow neutral and it is tougher living on lower cash flow. I keep losing with my investments, even after I quit day trading. The majority of the year was fine until I tried to ride the Santa rally but ended up getting slaughtered instead. I am trying to learn as much as I can about investing from others who are good, particularly with Elliott Wave analysis, because I will always have investments and the profits or losses will exceed employment income. I know I should hold onto most of my property investments rather than take on unnecessary risk because property has historically kept pace or exceeded the rate of inflation. I finally completed a property development plagued with issues including difficulties obtaining finance, delays, and cost overruns, but it came several months late as the market is turning south. I am frustrated by the issues with property development and management, and I believe I should take a more passive approach.

I let down my friends by being inconsiderate. I think of myself too much, letting down friends and family at times.

I am disillusioned with God. I admit I don’t know whether there is God. I simply know there is the universe.

I had external factors putting me down, such as the police interrogating me, my family wanting me to settle down.

I lost belief. My mood was not great. I was travelling too much. I visited close to 100 cities. While some of the travel was enjoyable, I don’t really feel excitement or happy visiting another country or place.

I lost sight of happiness. By neglecting happiness, my life overall is not as happy as it was.

While I focus on the negative aspects, the year was slightly below average but not terrible. I am satisfied with how much I have travelled and how I have kept myself despite continually being on the road. I have had years which were worse.

All this is recoverable. I still have my health. I am still intelligent. I can restore my belief. I rewrote my vision board this year and listed my affirmations. I have things I am working on. I am revisiting the words I penned. I look forward to a happier and more successful 2019.


If you had all the money and all time in the world what would you do? Respect parent’s opinions but I choose my own purpose.

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December 2019

As we approach the end of 2019, I reflect on my musings at the start of the year.

2019 has been a memorable year. I wouldn’t say a good year or a bad year.

Two major things transpired.

I had more sex than I had in my entire life previously. I dated 300 girls, closed 35. Dating dominated my time. It was time consuming and addictive. Sex doesn’t make me happy. It is kind of pointless. Honestly, I am satisfied I was able to achieve this having come from a conservative upbringing where I was bound by my social anxiety and religion in particular where I never intended to have sex before marriage until at 24 when I had a change of mind. I was sexually frustrated resorting to pornography. I had a great neediness and bitterness. Despite the satisfaction from achieving this, I realise sex is not everything. There is the craving for sex during a dry spell, a release afterwards, but no real satisfaction. There was only one girl out of the lot that I probably saw any future with. I was just a fuckboy and while it was an experience, I don’t find it fulfilling. In fact, I don’t have many happy days this year. Even though I have had tasted what success looks like, I still have much to learn. I know I am not at the level other people are at with their game and I must keep briefing, debriefing and learning.

The second thing, was the immense trading losses I incurred. I lost half a million dollars. It wasn’t going well at the start of the year when I took a bought a 3x inverse S&P 500 ETF and was down 50%. And it completely exploded after I sold a property and put the proceeds into the shorting the market. I was blindly following two people from Elliott Wave analysis who I thought had the answers instead of following my own indicators. It completely destroyed my portfolio. At the end of the year my portfolio is down 99%. I would have actually been up quite substantially if I had followed my own indicators instead. I lament the poor decisions. I do pray I can take some of my learnings and improve for the future, although the future is still a mystery. For now, making good investment decisions is the major priority for me after the huge losses I incurred.

I was hit hard mentally from the trading losses. Somehow, I am still ok. Touch wood, I don’t have depression. While my physical condition has deteriorated from limited exercise it is still reasonable and I have been eating right.

The other aspect of the year is travel. I have been able to travel somewhat. While I travelled less than in 2018, it was certainly more than 99% of people. I visited a few new countries and many cities. I am motivated to continue to strive for 100 countries in the next year after seeing a few people complete or near their goal of visiting every country in the world.

I wasn’t able to achieve what I set out in my vision board. I will rework it to focus on my priorities for the year – namely investment success (surviving the year, restoring my portfolio). I plan to travel to 100 countries and improve my texting ability.

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