Future Self Journalling

 What pattern/behaviour do I want to change?

Oct 21 - Gambling mentality. Got to let it go. It didn't work. The gambler mentality of chasing one big win doesn't work. I have failed. That is the past me

Dec 21 - Revenge/random trades. Norp. Hitting myself

Affirmations / statements to help me achieve this (what would I say to a friend?)

Oct 21 - I am putting away my old gambling self. I forgive myself. Forgiveness frees myself and leads to self healing. 

Dec 21 - I am strong. I am building discipline. I accept myself. I have a burning desire to be a good trader - it is my biggest goal - this thinking led me to achieve in the past

How will I practice this?  I have the opportunity to be my future self today when I

Oct 21 - Stop dwelling on negativity - 'try to be positive'. Stop wasting time watching the market (it doesn't make me happy)

Dec 21 - 2 trades max per day. Do 20 pushups when want to watch norp. Tell myself 'I accept myself + everyone makes mistakes'. Accept wins and losses. Understand this is a journey

What am I grateful for / accomplishment 

Oct 21 - Returning home, cool breeze, someone said I look young

Dec 21 - Health, intelligence. Earth 2025 - knowing I can do it

What do I love about myself?

Oct 21 - Reasonably healthy. Have achieved everything I wanted even if it took time. Decent person

Dec 21 - I am a good person overall

The person I am becoming will experience more of / traits?

Oct 21 - Discipline. Patience. Positivity. Experience life

Dec 21 - Joy. Patience. Calm

When I think about who I am becoming I feel

Oct 21 - Feel cautious, small spark

Dec 21 - Scared, emotional

The Tortoise and the Hare

In trading, I have always tried to go for the quick win. Taking option trades that will make the most money, despite the inherent risk, and almost always losing it all in the process.

I learnt that trading should be boring. The goal is consistency. Consistent profits each week.

I wrote a mid year review after reading over my journal.

The disappointment

• I am 36 now. 4 years to go to 40
• I wasted the first half of the year constantly losing in the financial markets. I was dogmatic in how I viewed the markets - I was not trading, but gambling. I wasted endless hours watching every tick in the markets, getting emotional with every movement. This affected my mood all day, led to bouts of anger and sadness, arguments with my family, and resulted in heart palpitations
• All my dreams dashed. I was dreaming of getting a Porsche after I recouped my losses. 
• I didn't want to sell the home. It was my pride and joy. I really don't want to.
• I remember when I was in university, betting in the footy and losing 7 in a row and giving up. It feels like that might be the destiny.
• Every single bet has gone wrong except the money I gave to pairs trading (arbitrage) and sports matched betting ---> I lose when I play directionally
• I wasted time playing agar/slither and watching norp when I was down
• My goals at the start of the year didn't work out
• Trading (followed goal but didn't work) - I planned to short until June (following Larry Williams) but it didn't work (the goal was completely wrong. 1, shorting is gambling and 2. I still continued until November). I reached out to profitable traders but I couldn't fully trust quants and I received mentoring from Fro, but I haven't been able to take time to trade properly (found some mentors and learnt how to trade and I possibly adopted a system that works now)
• Agar/Slither didn't make me happy in 2020 and I continued (didn't follow goal) (quit agar/slither mid year)
• Twitter and financial news didn't make me profitable. I did minimise it to remove the noise but it didn't make me profitable again in 2021 and all top calling traders failed (followed goal but didn't work) (have a reduced twitter feed now, but still can succumb to endless browsing which I need to control)
• Watch 1 game video a day and think about what I could have done in interactions (didn't follow goal as lacked motivation) (did eventually start gaming sporadically; need to start actually watching 1 game video a day)
• Realised Biblical God didn't answer my prayers. I always wanted to believe in something beyond this world but I haven't experienced anything to show me that it exists. Wrote about focusing on happiness (however no goal was stated)

The reality

• Every trader that called for a top got it wrong including many smart people, so I can't fully blame myself. I can't be too harsh on myself
• Government travel restrictions and lockdowns meant that I couldn't travel even if I wanted to
• My eyes were dry when the colder weather started and it was hard to look at the screens. I acknowledge I should have moved to a warmer climate earlier
• I was depressed (mentally struggling and lacking motivation) plus I was living at home, which meant affected my desire to game

The opportunity

• While I was dead emotionally, I maintained a level of fitness through regular walks and stretches and having regular distractions
• I realise I have an opportunity. Not many people take time to regroup mid-year. This is a gift. I must grasp this opportunity
• I took a chance to move to a warmer climate and reset. So far, my eyes are better and I am tentatively optimistic
• I had my first dose of the vaccine. This allows for more options, particularly relating to travel
• I have financial market mentors (Vini, Enjoy, Oblique, Hussain) that I can watch and learn from. I see that it is possible to grow quickly..
• While I watch the markets, I can watch a game video or game related post
• Thoughts about working: I feel so sad looking for jobs. I earned 90k/year 10 years ago (VPS 4). Applying for first job is the toughest as I have been out of work for so long and I have no idea what I will be asked. What job I find is the level I will perceive myself as. It may take time to get back to previous salary. My aim is to nail interviews. From my experience it took me 6 months to find a job previously (Oct 2012 to Mar 2013) and ended up receiving two offers. My friends earn a 170k package. I never enjoyed working. I felt down doing manual work for Sam, down from VPS jobs in the past.

Bad habits - shouting (ended shouting), negative self talk/complaining (reduced negative self talk), norp (still on and off), avoiding game as live at home (started gaming again), avoided a mentor for long time (found some mentors that didn't necessarily work, however I possibly found a good system now), thinking only of the reward not the risk (always thinking about RR now). Actions - reduce exposure to norp triggers, be mindful of my habits, know benefits of avoiding

Good habits - Respect stop/not re-enter or break rules (have a defined entry and exit now), learn from mistakes/struggle, plan each day and schedule each week, happy birthday, marbles each week - did I live a life worth smiling about this week/quality of life more important than money, treating family and being present

Vision board - date tees, Porsche, happy. Accomplished everything I envisioned in the past, accept that I can trade eventually, others have done it, good at analysis

Conviction - what if you had to save your child, do whatever it takes. Currently each day just passes and I am not present

Statement - I will become a non-emotional trader who follows my stop loss winning 70% of weeks by December 2021. Follow 3 methods - Vini, Fro, BestForexMethod (these methods didn't work)

() denotes Dec 2021

Update: December 2021

Time

• Time is critical. I wish I can rewind the time to when I was in university/school. All I have is now. Life in the future may not come, regret not making the most of time. I have to make the most of the present and live for my own vision. Ask myself each day what do I want to do with my time and what could go wrong if I spend my time doing X activity (eg agar, playing chartgame). Being busy is the distraction from living
• Ask what percent of my life is left
• In the face of death, nothing matters. Your problems don't mean a big deal. 
• What am I doing with my life? Am I just procrastinating my life and making excuses? At any moment something can happen. Our minds are just thinking of little issues, accumulation. Life is short. Don't waste it. Go after goals. We either go for what we want or simply not get it, the result is certain if we don't go for it.

Lessons

• I have always suffered. It is more so in the past two years. However, I feel like it's always been there as I wrote 'It wasn't meant to be like this' 3 times already. 
• Have a vision for myself and reflect on my priorities each week. 
• 'I try to think positive' no matter the situation. So easy to dwell on and wallow in grief but it doesn't help anything. I must move on.
• Repeat 'I believe in myself. I know and accept my self worth'
• Don't spend time thinking about things that I cannot control (politics, direction of markets, etc). Choose what content I consume and what I want not based on what others want. What I can't control does not affect my state
• Be at peace, not caught in ups and downs. Don't get emotional if something bad happens. Treat the situation as an opportunity to be mentally stronger and less reactive. I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I had lots of bad experiences in my past and I managed to get through it. I release myself from my past emotional cycle
• Be willing to be uncomfortable. Talk to people and get to know them without expectation or leeching even if I am scared. Comfort destroys growth
• Living by myself doesn't solve anything. There is no happiness if other areas of life are not sorted
• Love is anxiety's greatest killer. Love is an attitude to life. Love life. Love every living being. Love the good and the bad.

Trading

• I lost everything. I lost all my capital and don't have anymore. This was the worst case scenario and it played out. I don't even have enough to start again. All my income went into trading. One loss and I was gone
• I was stressed from the losses and this constant stress on my nervous system was impacting my health and sleep
• I didn't know how to trade even in the middle of this year. I was Googling and reading forums for trading systems (and playing agar/slither) in the library after placing unmonitored order flow trades as I was not awake during RTH  and it didn't work for me. I was following trade alerts from Altitude108, mentors and other alert services but 1. trades could happen any time of the day so I was monitoring the market 8+ hours per day and stressed out, 2. it was not my system, 3. it didn't make me consistent profits
• My mentors failed me - Vini (Breakeven after 1.5 months), Hussain (losing streak), Oblique (few live trades), EST (not profitable in Sep), Enjoy (breakeven month), LKS (choosing their wrong trades), Altitude108 (didn't make profits with them)
• Personally didn't follow trades/taking random trades
• Swing short is extremely difficult to get right. TSLA puts lost - TSLA kept going up. Alex was short TSLA. Alex called TSLA topping and VIX but now I am down to 25k from 200k top and then it ended negative. Jam said big down move this year. It touched the top of the trendline. I believed in the Great Conjunction which didn't occur
• It's cathartic to open up and reflect on what happened
• SPX didn't hit projection of 200ma touch
• Encore short didn't work (Anna / Canadian soccer mom wrong)
• Spent hours and hours devising plan for SPX. Then hours watching every tick. Hours getting stressed. Feeling demoralised. Hours wasted not going after my goals in life. AND it never worked 
• Doesn't matter where I fucking go (to get away), doesn't matter what I fucking do, I get fucked.
• I will end up with the same results (blowing up my account) if I follow what I did in the past
• Flows need 3:1 win as stop can be 25% and 10% profit target and averages down (so far 113w, 15l). Don't want to average down
• Chris_L_NCT, Ashford, James Bradley - done in first 2 hours

I saw a counsellor and wrote the following notes.

On 7 September I wrote:

What did I learn from last blowout? Trading large size caused it. I lacked self control. I didn't follow my rules. I need to only trade with what I can afford to lose. I need to follow my rules. Set a a daily drawdown limit. Have an accountability partner. I don't have to make back my loss on the same day - if I am in a hole, the hole can keep growing. 

Trading my rules is more important than money. I can't trade when I am feeling emotional, when I am feeling good or bad. With emotion it's hard to be clear or rational. I have traded a particular way risking it all for years - making a change is not easy as it is just like substance abuse. It only takes one mistake to make it a big loss.

On 15 September I wrote:

My emotion got into it. If had my time again wouldn't take the random trade. I took a revenge trade where I was trying to recoup my losses quickly. Gamblers anticipate the win. It is difficult not to be emotionally charged and I lost control. I am hurt and struggling from this. If the trade doesn't work, the loss makes me feel worse. 

I must learn to not care about a win or loss, I must learn to not care about the money. I am happy to lose it all, just follow the process. It's just a trade. It is me versus my boundaries and I broke my boundaries. Be alert and not exhausted when I trade. 

On 28 September I wrote:

I am still revenge trading, Ask whether I am being rational or irrational during each trade. Emotion can make it irrational. Leave computer screen if I am being irrational.

I write my rules down on sheet of paper and I must follow my rules. Control addiction. For gamblers when they go out, it is recommend that they only take the amount they can lose and put the credit card away at home. When in difficulty, talk to my partner.

Trading lessons:

• Aim to trade the process and a win is if you follow the process, not if you profit or lose
• Minimise impact of losing trade on account balance. It will affect you if you lose big. 
• Learn from mistakes - journal and review how the trade went and your mistakes
• Always another trade. Long term results > short term movements of your account. Always remember we can't predict the market
• Take a loss and get out. Need to accept losses as part of the journey. Understand I will have losing periods. There is always another trade tomorrow. I don't need this trade 
• Have friends that support you and a coach who has done it for a temporary period

Think about where I will be 1 year from now, 5 years from now. Have a vision or goals for where I will be.

 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

- Belief / value - I can get good at trading (although acknowledge it may take time). Need strong belief to keep going
 - Event - I make a loss, I am tired, misinterpretation
- Thought - I must recoup the loss (should or must - means emotion out of whack), I just want to grow the account a little, I just want the wins not the losses
- Feeling - I feel anger, the feeling of 'not again', down
- Behaviour - I punched my leg
- Dispute - no evidence that I will recoup, or will win, if it didn't win doesn't mean I am a failure
- Effective belief of thought - losses are normal, millionaires accept losses are part of it, I don't know the outcome of any trade, I am happy to lose the amount I risk, I follow my trading rules

Why I hate Australia

I used to adore this country. I felt a sense of pride as a child growing up in this country. 

Its beautiful, wide open plains that poets waxed lyrically over. Its carefree attitude, with its ocker sense of humour; one that never took itself too seriously. Its unashamedly brash support of the underdog, and patriotism egging on its little battlers on the world stage.

What has changed? Here is a list of reasons why I have grown hate this country.

• Not possible to leave the country, except if you qualify under strict conditions*
• While the population is not able to travel abroad, the Prime Minister can leave to NZ and UK without even attending G7 and the Queensland Premier is free to plan a trip to the Tokyo Olympics
• Almost every other democratic country has opened its borders and allows its citizens to travel abroad
• Significant barriers to re-enter the country if you leave
• Lockdowns in almost every state when virus numbers are almost non-existent compared to other countries where no lockdowns are imposed; leaders completely dumb to the fact that the repercussions of the lockdown far outweigh the benefits
• State Government letting people in then locking us down. Letting interstate people in when there was covid there (while other states blocked them) and then getting locked down.
• Impossible to get a covid vaccine for under 40s even if you want one combined with relatively slow rollout of the vaccine* (while you can practically get the vaccine in every other developed country)
• Rise of issues that have no interest to majority of population (LGBT, equality, Aboriginal rights) to a point where they crowd out issues affecting the population
• Rising push to change national symbolism because it offends segments of the population (Australia Day, rewording of the national anthem)
• Rise of political correctness to a point where you have to be careful about what you say in case you offend someone
• Poor attitude where people are becoming more entitled, and less willing to work hard
• Anecdotal evidence of rise of employees faking claims to receive compensation from their employer
• Decline of friendliness; not long ago people were happy to speak to strangers, while people are becoming increasingly wary of others and also full of complaints
• Incompetent leaders and opposition leaders at both the federal and state level with no vision for the future whatsoever
• Federal and state governments took on enormous amount of debt and continue to embrace debt, while completely ignorant of the consequences, which are certain to come
• People are always arguing for handouts and not thinking about where the money is coming from
• Media is conformist; the media is almost completely of the one opinion with no opposing views (primarily leftist viewpoints)
• Leaders and media are always attacking China and Russia
• Attacking China for human rights issues but ignoring far greater human rights abuses in India and Saudi Arabia (that Australia implicitly supports) along with many other countries around the world (e.g. Saudi killings in Yemen receive no coverage in the media)
• Attacking China for its sovereign issues but ignoring separatist movements and uprisings in Israel, Spain, Lebanon, Chile and other parts of the world
• Taking the lead in provoking China to a point where Australia is the only country China has imposed such harsh economic sanctions and tariffs on, while Japan and India (that are also part of the Quad) have escaped unscathed
• Leaders and media dogmatically suck up to the US
• Vilifying individuals the country dislikes (Richard Pussey – when he didn’t commit any crime, Eddie McGuire – for jokes he made, Dave Hughes – for stating something he doesn’t agree with)
• Supporting its losers on the world sporting stage who have achieved nothing except stir controversy while never giving due credit to true champions (Nick Kyrgios v Novak Djokovic)
• Adulation of certain occupations only because they provide a public service (fire fighters, police, nurses) 
• Significant share of population thinks they are living in the best country in the world, which is blatantly incorrect, subjective, and biased
• Majority of population are overweight while thinking they are not overweight
• There are other reasons I dislike Australia too (such as geographical distance) but the outlined reasons have developed over recent years

* As of June 2021

Update September 2021

• Tyrannical restrictions apply when most other western countries have no or limited restrictions despite higher covid numbers. Melbourne holds the world record for most number of days in lockdown, following which covid numbers exploded, showing a complete failure in controlling covid while achieving harsh lockdowns
• Allowing covid to spread in NSW and Victoria due to poor hotel quarantine systems and inadequate controls. It was a blatant failure of the state governments to implement any measures when Indian travellers were returning to the country, which led to this prolonged and now uncontrollable outbreak. Furthermore, Victoria was letting people in from NSW despite their high case load and the chief response officer said that they very confident that covid would be controlled and then decided to lockdown less than a week after his comments
• Deliberately thwarting people from the right to protest by stopping public transport. All the while its citizens look down on and mock protesters
• Mandatory vaccinations for certain occupations and to enter hospitality and entertainment venues, effectively destroying the lives of people who oppose vaccines. There is no freedom of choice in this country
• Incorrectly advising citizens to take vaccine shots 4 weeks apart, when it is proven that this reduces vaccine efficacy
• The Prime Minister jets off to the US while travel restrictions are still in effect. The Prime Minister is free to take off on another overseas jaunt, yet its citizens are subjected to stringent restrictions on entering or leaving the country which no other country has in place
• Australia initiating the AUKUS security pact, once again taking the lead on a belligerent stance against China, which has dismayed our neighbours including NZ, Indonesia and Malaysia, as well as angering France due to the treachery in cancelling the submarine deal
• Australians are supportive and at the very least complicit of its actions against China. It is shocking that there has been no uprising or protest, when there are protests on leftist issues such as refugees or womens rights
• Appalling treatment of Djokovic who had been granted an exemption to play in the Australian Open and then stripped of it, rendering the Australian Open an inconsequential tournament as it deliberately expelled qualified players from competing (Jan 2022)

Australia masquerades as a democracy when in fact it is governed as a dictatorship.

Upon reflection, Australia has always had a racist past. Perhaps it was foolish to ignore such a dark history and believe that it could change. For decades, this country adopted a White Australia Policy, intentionally took away the rights of its indigenous population, loved racist banter, and looked down on Asians. Australia was America's dog in every war, willingly participating in pointless wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. More recently, Australians expressed unease over Chinese foreign investment and frowned upon Chinese (both local and international) buying up property without paying the same attention to investment from other countries.

2023 Update: 

• Deteriorating health outcomes (longer wait times, reduced bulk billing, increasing obesity)
• Declining education outcomes since 2000 (reading, maths and science)
• Increasing homelessness since 2006
• Middle class being priced out of housing while the cost of living crisis begins to impact them
• Two thirds of the population supportive of the offensive (not defensive) submarine and missile acquisition
• effectively rendering Australia as a state of the United States that would likely participate in any conflict the United States is involved in given its record in participation in previous wars
• and adding to the already enormous amount of public debt
• Australia has always discriminated against Asians. I experienced bullying in schools. 
• People not happy Asian students and buying property. Bamboo ceiling - Asian no representation in executive and political roles standing up for Asian values. 
• Australia will join the US in what it decides to do. I don't want to be in Australia during a war as discrimination increases, never feel safe, media coverage - the media are all totally against China and the general population is against China

What a complete disaster of a country!

Pain and Looking Forward

 Last year was probably the worst year of my life.

• My sister went to hospital suffering from seizures. She was there for 1 month and still experiences symptoms
• I lost over $1.5 million [$3 million lost as at 2023], more than most people have seen. I joined over 80 subscriptions and had exposure to 100 subscriptions and still lost*
• I suffer from depression. I cried so much. I don't know when the pain and torture will end. My suffering continues with the wrong investments
• I had bad emotions. I was stubborn, controlling, retaliating and stonewalling
• I crashed my car into two other cars
• I had police issues. I was charged and received a diversion.
• I saved my mum's life when she was choking
• I lost my dating life. It was almost non-existent as I had to stay home due to a lack of money and lockdown
• I am getting older and my health is deteriorating, particularly my eye sight and sexual health
• I endured a miserable winter with sore eyes
• I lost the Biblical God. I prayed intensively and all my prayers were not answered**

In recent months, I waste my life on Agar, I waste my life on Twitter. I waste my life on news. I age another x percent, my ED gets worse by another x percent, my eyes get worse by another x percent, my mum gets older by another x percent... I drift further from my dreams. I prefer a warmer climate, nice girls, no worries as a majority of stress comes from finances. Visualise this and repeat

If I were to ask someone wise or a good friend, what would they say to me?

Where will I be at 45? Is my mum still cooking and cleaning for me? Am I still getting walked all over by others? It's only been 10 years since university - I still have time to achieve everything.

<>

I need to visualise the future. What do I want for myself? 

On reflection, I don't know if I did this even after writing it.

I have to set a deadline on my trading. The deadline is June 2021

As of 24 May 2021, everything I fought for may be over in a week.

<>

I remember that I am now 35. Some people only live to 70. In this case, there is 50% of life remaining.

I have to remember that the past is over. There is no point dwelling on all the problems.

I have to source people who can help get my life back together and work with someone who is living the way I want.

I can't keep repeating what has happened. I make random trades where I might make hundreds, but then one trade loses thousands. I might make a big win but every month I lose. It is destroying my mental state. I need to have a fixed stop loss and only trade it once, win or loss, and move on.

I have to laugh when I am stressed. Worry doesn't bring me anything worthwhile.***

Some thoughts from my psychologist:

- I am not in control, which increases stress. I need a strategy to manage the problem and reduce stress. Think about where is this all going if things don't turn around, based on trajectory of the last two years. I keep losing every single month. What is the trajectory of where it is going. Have a plan in place and have a contingency in case I am wrong. Take tough decisions or it will explode. I was out of control and I needed safeguards. I was like a plane without an engine and to observe the trajectory. 

- My life is dysfunctional. I am fully focused on trading. I am always focused on the markets. As long as I am in the market I will be stressed. I have ongoing stress about financial markets. It wakes me up when I sleep. I am out of balance. My life is out of balance

- Have a direction/purpose. Have goal like ship with destination. I have to choose if I have a good life or a bad life. I feel trapped and lack direction. I am not living the life I want making me feel frustrated and anxious

- Religion takes away my mum's anxiety

- Be aware of the emotion coming. I can see the state of emotion coming. Say to myself - here comes the feeling of worry/anxiety, come from a place of stillness so the emotion doesn't overtake me. Go to a place of stillness, practice stillness and meditation for a stronger mind. Be aware of my anxiety, put down my anxiety for the moment. Medication doesn't stop my worrying mind

- There is a trigger and I react to it. Take time before reacting - what options do I have, wait, think. Respond by calming down first, be still (think of muddy water - wait until it becomes clear). Stillness - stop, slow down breathing by taking deep breathes and count to 7 as current breathes are too shallow, muscles relax, slow down my internal clock to pace myself, visualise myself being still in a restful pose. Take 10 seconds to think clearly about my options. I am panicking too much.

- Take a break from what I am doing when I am stressed. Break my cycle. Go for a walk. Focus on the here and now. Be grateful for the walking. Leave stress at home.

- Take 10 percent off everyday. As I stand up or sit down or walk, focus on slowing down. Slow down 10 percent when I cook, shower, walk.

- Change my life. Get out of the passenger seat. Be busy and engaged. Schedule things to look forward to that you enjoy/make you happy/fun

- I am living at home. It is comfortable, but may not be good for me. I will be the same at 45.Have an interesting life

- Have one thing to look forward to this week

- Be fit, swim. Look after myself

- 

Follow up general thoughts:

I followed that plane trajectory and I crashed. I didn't have a day plan or a long term plan

Think positive (I am in a constant state of negative excitement). If you think in positive terms you will get positive results. Believe and succeed. Mind will return what is planted. Plant your goal in your mind. Picture having achieved the goal. Write down definite goal on card. Quit running myself down. Stop think of why you can't be successful and think of why you can. Trace attitudes of why you can't be a success. Change image of yourself - write a description of what you want to be. Act the part. Start today, nothing to lose, a life to win. Ask and it shall be given you. Seek and you shall find. Think of everyday goal while being Calm + Cheerful. Don't worry. Make being lucky my own perception

- Trade my rules and remove gambling mindsets (trading without a plan, emotional attachment to a trade, anticipation of the win, this time I will be right, riding a trade as if my life depended on it, chase losses until there is nothing, get stopped out and then re-enter, random trades, revenge trading, have to end at the win, jumping between system). Change from impatience to discipline. Journal my trades.

---

* Elliott Wave Trader, Castaway Trader, Vwaptrader, Spiderman, Stops and Targets, Layupfutures/Oblique, Kpak, Marketmind, Revere Trading, 108 Altitude, Feibel Trading, NOPE, xtrends, The Kobeissi Letter, PS60/Access A Trader, Infinity Trades, fed.tips, Arastoo Fazeli, The Kingdom, HussainDhala, Enjoy Trades, TradingWarz, EST, Sann/Onsa, Low Key Stonks, DTR Trading, Noya Alpha/Shiro Ari and Don, Livestream Trading/TSXtrad3r, Colton Options, FT Trading, EFO Edge, MbcTrader, Rich Hamilton, The Corporation, Trading Dojo, SeanTheNoob, tradewithMAK, BullTrades/Cblast, Shibatrader, Warren Letter, Stockmarket Cycles, MoneyBags/Rags to Riches, Brett Simba, SmashTheBid, Expo Developers/Jesse, Highborn Trading/Excalibur and Royal, JBW Investing/Stank, The Wolves of Wall Street, Compound Gains/MakePlays, Oasis/Champ Britt and Oakley, Conquered Minds/Ace , FlowOperator, TraderTom, BrianStonk, Adam Options, Team2Trading/Casey, Trading Decoded, Trade Brigade, xtrades, verniman, NOBStrades, Cary Palmer, The UK Futures Trader, Lanto Trades, MambaCalls, TradePRO Academy, Chew Trades, Pepethuglife, DodgyDDs, Hamed Trades, Aaron Rentfrew/Mind Unbound, Options Pro Chick, FLI Capital, StockDads, Futures Flow, 7th, Trading Channels/Burak, ShadowTrader/Peter Reznicek, KISS_RHINO, Tradersmarts, Options Trading IQ Iron Condor strategy, Tanja Trades, Options Omega, Navigation Trading, DT (reddit), The Signal Trader, Only Gains, Camelback, Stockmanreal, TFNN/Mastering Probability, swingingfutures, The Laptop Legend, Capital Flows (I also watched Julia Cordova, TradingNinja, CiovaccoCapital and other assorted YouTube trading videos religiously each weekend as well as reading posts every day from every single trader I found on Twitter (totally tens of thousands of traders). I heard someone lose from carl futia, emini.today, ramostrader and someone who went with Kane Capital, Elite Trading Warrior, ES Real Time, Shinobi Signals, Xclusive Trading, Trading Wiser, PAM, Trade at Ease with Adaamset and Strizzi, Futurestrader400, Trick Trades, Vexxly, Market Timer, dragvs, Telegram groups (Zega, fof, nitro, billions, and more); and I copied Vini/Trade With No Emotion without paying, and took mentoring from FroTrades)

I realise now that I didn't have a set criteria for selecting trading subscriptions. The two criteria I will use now are:

1. Every month is green (and then assessed according to win rate and risk:reward)

2. Trading is complete in the first hour of open

** If God is real the prayer will come true. I prayed with all my heart, with respect, asking for forgiveness, saying I will praise God, be righteous, know God and do God's will, tell me if I am praying wrong. I prayed to the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, in the direction of the temple, in Jesus' name. I asked God to make right decisions and called out to Jesus many times.

*** 54321 technique (see, feel, hear, smell, appreciate), body scan

I prayed intensely from November. All my prayers were not answered. Every day since I prayed SPX kept going up despite my prayers for a drop, I prayed for SPX top on Great Conjunction, portfolio to remain above 50k at all times, SPY below 360 by 30/12, my sister to have no more pressure on her head. None of these came true. Through my research I realised that JW deaths from covid were higher than the average based on the distribution of publishers they have around the world. I cannot believe in a religion where God does not answer prayer as there are many examples of prayer being answered, especially in the area of health.