Thursday, October 4, 2012

A Reflection and Regrets

I have lived a good life but didn't realise it. I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish.

I have lived over 10,000 days. I am blessed to be born in the lucky country and to be given the opportunities I have been given. I have achieved many things that I am proud of: an IQ of over 120, knowledgeable in many disciplines, high distinctions in math, science and geography competitions, 99 ATAR, won a university scholarship, completed commerce and engineering degrees with honours from the best university in Australia, H1 average for university final year project, won earth 2025, won a trivia competition, won an art competition, downball champion, fastest speed writing, quickest in arithmetic, worked in a hedge fund, private equity, banking, and government, worked in many industries including healthcare, agriculture, transport, education, consulting, retail, sales, design, and start-ups, started 3 semi-successful businesses with two profitable exits and the other a social start-up achieving over 5,000 users, started a profitable hedge fund, owning properties in three major cities, completed several profitable property developments, read the Bible three times, volunteered for over 5 organisations, travelled to over 60 countries, lived overseas, attended the world cup, attended many top festivals, dated many amazing women, attained financial freedom, retired before 30, achieved over $1m net worth before 30, worked in a $100k job, eating and living healthily and maintaining a healthy weight, healthy body metrics, being fit and competitive in most sports, ran a marathon in 4 hours, won a football championship, completed over 50 push ups and sit ups in one set, performed in front of over 100,000 people, undertaken major presentations and TV and radio interviews, played piano and guitar, recorded several songs, worked as a restaurant critic and ate at all the top restaurants in my city, owned an Audi, participated in many activities, good socialiser and communicator, having good family, having good friends, building strong self worth, and realising the power of now (Updated January 2017). All of these achievements did not come without pain. There is no gain without pain. I would not have achieved them without setting goals.

I used to have many goals I wanted to achieve. I had many goals that I was striving for at the one time, but they did not make me happy. The achievements are temporarily satisfying, but ultimately vain.

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To achieve the extraordinary, you have to work hard and give up all other areas of your life. Sooner or later, the great men turn out to be all alike. They never stop working. They never lose a minute. It is very depressing.

To become an expert in a field takes a long time and requires continuous learning and application. At the same time, you forget some of your expertise or your skills become rusty if you take a long break from it. This has happened to me with my engineering course work, Christianity readings, and running regimen.

This is a key difference between myself and those geniuses. Working hard in my chosen fields does not make me happy.

In fact, it has been shown that achievements do not increase long-term happiness. Even when you accomplish something great the high won't last. It won't make you happy on its own. You have to work to make and keep yourself happy.

While I have achieved almost every goal I have set out to accomplish, I understand that happiness matters more.

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I don't have many regrets. Looking back, the two main regrets are that I didn't have rock hard self belief and that I didn't go out much when I was younger (such as going on exchange). I used to have a small regret that I had 'made it' yet, but now I feel like I have. I don't have real regrets in health, career, university (made a few good friends), investments, family and faith. I don't have much I am missing in my life, except regular companion(s) and a relationship with God.

Richard Branson said that the best advice he has ever received is to 'have no regrets'. This piece of advice has informed every aspect of his life and every business he ever made. He is astounded by the amount of time people spend looking back on failed projects rather than learning and looking forward.

If you think you’re going to regret not doing something, you should probably do it.

Regrets are about not doing something and it is the worst feeling. Most people regret far more things they didn’t do than things they did do.

Older people say that the most important lesson in life is to not stay in a job you dislike. I read one piece of wisdom from a hospice care worker from her years tending to the dying... at the end of their lives, people very rarely regret the things they have done. They almost always regret the things they haven't done. A palliative nurse who cared for patients in their final weeks recorded the top five regrets of the dying:
  • I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me;
  • I wish I hadn't worked so hard;
  • I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings;
  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends;
  • I wish that I had let myself be happier.
​Don’t ignore your dreams; don’t work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy.

Relationships are key for people who are dying. It is common for them to ask 'have I loved enough in my life?'. Memories are important too. They identify who they are today by how they have been shaped by their experiences.

To have no regrets, it is worth asking yourself: these two questions
  • Do I wake up in morning looking forward to the day (or work)?
  • What can I do right now that would be the most powerful use of this day (or moment)?
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I have been instilled to work hard but I don't feel better, even though in many ways I am.  I constantly find myself wanting more net worth. But for what purpose? Don't I currently have a decent house? Plus a few mod cons. But it's not the life I want.

What do my achievements career-wise mean to me in the end? The desire to achieve or change the world satisfies the ego. It might be glamorous and it strokes my ego but it's deceptive. It's empty. It's very easy to be sucked into all work and no life for 10 or more years. In short, work and business just doesn't make me happy.

Life goes by when you are continually stuck in thought. I keep thinking about what to do with my future, but there is no one big answer. I'd like to retire to have options, travel, and have kids. However, at present there is no big passion or dream and that is ok. I think volunteering and helping others may be key. Volunteering to help others will probably uncover passions and I can combine this with my property interests.

I haven't found anyone like me, a friend who I truly connect with. I have not found someone with the same diverse taste in music as me. I have not found someone with the same strong desire to be alone and with others at the same time. It has always been my way or the highway.

I am smart and have always topped the class. I know can succeed in whatever I set my eyes upon, but I don't know if that is what I truly want.

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