Lacking Belief

 I feel inadequate. Not worthy enough. Time is slipping away. I am on the cusp of 40.

Physical ability has declined ever so slightly. People start to say I look 30, which didn't happen before. I feel older inside too.

I poured so much effort into trading but it hasn't paid off yet.

I keep thinking of what could have been. The $10m I could have had if I kept working on my business. 

I envy other people. My feed is filled with people travelling with little financial constraint, but I don't appreciate they are in the top 0.1% as almost no-one I know personally has retired young.

I still waste my time. On slither. On news. On Twitter. Analysing the markets. I recall Twitter and financial news never made me profitable.

The attention on the markets has hurt my self belief and hurt my confidence. It also makes me less interested to go out and meet girls.

I lack motivation to go out and meet girls. It is too hot to drive in the car. It is too far away. I have a lot of issues to sort out with property sales, planning for my trip, and fitness.

I am reminded of one message I saw

Life is enjoy :) but I need to start taking action towards this. Life is not about stressing over finances. Life is not about continually thinking about building net worth. Life is not about achieving goals. I already completed most of what I wanted to achieve but I am not happy or fulfilled. 

Life is about connection.

Pain is built up over time. From reading X, continually losing in trading

I watched a coach I knew say this

Embrace every part of your identity, of who you are. Love everything about myself, the good and bad. I need to get rid of the victim mentality and feeling sorry for myself. Learn to live with my issues. Get rid of negative assumptions. There is another version of myself that has maxxed out fitness, career, mental health that is getting the results. Be interesting and exciting to be around and work on fashion, fitness, communication skills - have a stimulating fun conversation.