After praying to God for four months and failing to receive a response on my purpose in life and career, I have walked away from my faith.
At the start of the period, I believed that there was a 50% chance that I would find a new career irrespective of God. I was going through one of the saddest periods of my life and prayed the biggest prayer I had ever prayed. I said that everything in my life is coming to a head. I knew that my current job was not my purpose and I asked God to direct to me to what God wills for my life. If God exists, I believed that God would show me a way for my life and I was willing to accept whatever God wills for me. I knew that I could definitely find a new job in whatever path that may be, and God would just make it happen faster. I did all I could do on my part - I went for every job I could, I earnestly sought after God, I put my faith in God and did what was right, I admitted my flaws and repented, I took on the feedback from (My Prayer). The failure was the final straw after a string of three failed prayers for a new career and other major unanswered prayers.
If there is one thing I wanted more than anything else, it was to know that God is real and cares. If there is one thing that I pray for, it is to say that I know God. Without God, I believe that everything is meaningless and has no real purpose. Deep down I wanted to believed, but I cannot believe in a God that doesn't exist or care. I don't want to live in a world where everything major that I pray for is disregarded by God. If I can't trust God to provide for this small thing, how can I trust God with my life?
Religion had defined me from an early age. It is difficult removing myself from the notion of God and starting afresh. As an outsider, I see that most believers and myself included never experience true joy, even though those in the faith are said to be characterised by joy.
Despite being agnostic, I will always have some faith and I am open minded about the universe but I haven't personally seen any evidence for God.
Update (March 2017): I believe there is an encompassing spiritual entity, not connected to man-made doctrine of formal religion. For example, formal religions argue against cigarettes. I pray to that spiritual entity present inside the universe and all beings. I pray for wisdom and the right course of action.
At the start of the period, I believed that there was a 50% chance that I would find a new career irrespective of God. I was going through one of the saddest periods of my life and prayed the biggest prayer I had ever prayed. I said that everything in my life is coming to a head. I knew that my current job was not my purpose and I asked God to direct to me to what God wills for my life. If God exists, I believed that God would show me a way for my life and I was willing to accept whatever God wills for me. I knew that I could definitely find a new job in whatever path that may be, and God would just make it happen faster. I did all I could do on my part - I went for every job I could, I earnestly sought after God, I put my faith in God and did what was right, I admitted my flaws and repented, I took on the feedback from (My Prayer). The failure was the final straw after a string of three failed prayers for a new career and other major unanswered prayers.
If there is one thing I wanted more than anything else, it was to know that God is real and cares. If there is one thing that I pray for, it is to say that I know God. Without God, I believe that everything is meaningless and has no real purpose. Deep down I wanted to believed, but I cannot believe in a God that doesn't exist or care. I don't want to live in a world where everything major that I pray for is disregarded by God. If I can't trust God to provide for this small thing, how can I trust God with my life?
Religion had defined me from an early age. It is difficult removing myself from the notion of God and starting afresh. As an outsider, I see that most believers and myself included never experience true joy, even though those in the faith are said to be characterised by joy.
Despite being agnostic, I will always have some faith and I am open minded about the universe but I haven't personally seen any evidence for God.
Update (March 2017): I believe there is an encompassing spiritual entity, not connected to man-made doctrine of formal religion. For example, formal religions argue against cigarettes. I pray to that spiritual entity present inside the universe and all beings. I pray for wisdom and the right course of action.
Update (December 2020): I still have a desire to believe deep inside. I want to believe there is something greater than our lives out there. I prayed to Jesus and the Father but I received the opposite of what I prayed for. I was praying to finally be right with making investment decisions and instead as of this, today I am at the lowest level ever for my investments. The market crash I believed in last month (and the months prior) never materialised, my sister still has pressures in her head and I don't think the doctors really attended to her especially initially when they disregarded me. I read the Bible without answers. I feel like almost giving up again, I will give it until Monday.
If I were to believe in a faith I believe the adherents should not be destroyed by natural disasters and that miracles that are deemed impossible by others should be possible.
3 comments:
You can't reject prayer just because you didn't get what you specifically asked for. ie praying to win tatslotto.
You're supposed to pray for world peace, or to help others through difficult times, not to make yourself more wealthy etc.
God gave you free will to seek your own path - if a path is presented and your heart is not open to accept, then that is not a proof or disproof of God.
have u read this?
http://successify.net/2012/10/31/22-things-happy-people-do-differently/
I asked God for purpose and a path for my life, not wealth, but none was presented. The Bible says that God will answer me when I ask Him (Matt 7:11, John: 11:21) for wisdom and direction (James 1:5, Proverbs 3:5-6). It also says that God is love (1 John 4:8), nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37), God will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut 31:6, Heb 13:5). This is not a rejection of God, but I do not know that God is real and that God cares.
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