Reset

On the treadmill. Losing sight of my dreams.

This has been the disappointing reality of this year. I got caught up ruminating over how I can make another million as I realised that a few million in the bank doesn't make me feel rich and that my cash flow is not as good as I want it to be. My lack of happiness made me realise that there is no joy in winning the lottery as I would have put the proceeds to use in a similar way to what I have done.

In hindsight, I would not have chased another project if I had known how long and stressful it would have been. I spent months sourcing finance and chasing contractors to get the project off the ground. I researched purchasing more properties to make another few hundred thousand dollars. I wasted days trading the markets where I risk ten thousand dollars to only make a few hundred dollars, which is immensely stupid given that I could have aimed for a home run instead. I also made some long term strategic bets on gold and mining stocks given the risky global political and economic situation and impending clean energy boom.

I highly regret the trading and would not have pursued the property project if I had my time again, however I think it is prudent to invest in gold to hedge against the forthcoming downturn in the financial markets.

The desire for more wealth will never end. I thought it was over it when I documented my obsession with wealth, however I accept that the desire is deeply ingrained. I witness the same desire among wealthy acquaintances. I am unhappy while staying at home just thinking about ways to make money. I am not living any more. The time remaining until I wish to settle down is ticking down, so too the time remaining until I die. I have not dedicated time to planning my future or contemplating my deep endeavours as I feel the need to get the project underway and my investments sorted first.

The sole focus on my finances has killed other aspects of my life. While my health and fitness is very good and I enjoy spending an extended time with family, I have not devoted time to pursuing happiness or relationships. Initially, my situation was even worse as I was also occupied by explicit material and suffering from hair loss, where I was losing sex drive and contemplating a hair transplant, although both of these issues have since improved somewhat.

I keep procrastinating on my goals. My goals spreadsheet contains some big ticket items that I keep postponing until some undetermined later date. It hurts me that I have been stuck at home, while my youth is disappearing. Time is limited. I am cognisant of the fact that I must go for my goals. I have set the next year or two to complete my current goal list by ticking off my goals one by one and end the endless delay.

I am bitterly sad that I have not committed to living the life I want and travelling to the destinations I wanted to go this year. I wanted to do an extended stay in Latin America after enjoying my previous visits and the simple things in life. I haven't committed. I wanted to do a few trips to Antarctica. I haven't done one yet. I wanted to drive the Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Porsches. I haven't even driven one. There are other goals I have and I will need to start making in-roads on each. One by one.

I remember when I had a brain, but that brain was taken over by the pursuit of vanity, under the glorified pretence of riches. I remember that I am given to a certain perspective of the world. As a gambler's mind is trapped in a world of their own, so too each human and living creature has their own versions of reality. There are also many out of the world experiences recorded in history which challenge conventional perspective, including the biblical accounts of Jonah's time in a belly of a big fish and Elijah with the fiery horses. Each being's reality is simply their own.

I have suffered a lack of epiphanies. My thinking has become more monotone, a consequence of overuse of the analytical part of the brain over the creative, over-consumption of media, and the set routine of the daily grind. Subject to slavery to preoccupation confined to the financial, discovery becomes limited and both wisdom and peace distant.

What's the point of living to simply work day by day accumulating money to no end? I just carve out a meagre existence where I am surviving, not thriving. I am put onto this planet for a moment in time with no certainty about what happens after my life is over. In this brief window of time I must take action to go for what I desire, while accepting the risks and rewards.

If my end goal is bliss, I suspect I will not be overly motivated building a company. Building a business to achieve more money than everyone else is what is shown to be successful in the media and I lap it up. I am no happier with $2 million than when I had $50,000. Yet, I am enticed by the billionaires of the world, I read about it and all my friends are working for the money. In the world's eyes success is just about money and fame. I have the wealth, health, and fame and none of them have brought me any joy. I have forsaken happiness in the trade off for wealth. People who are successful in business live and breath it and it's just not what I am after.

Acknowledging the deviation from and deferment of my goals coupled with my own loss of consciousness, I have to find the will to press the reset button to re-calibrate.

Exercise

Exercise makes me more relaxed and lifts my mood. A good workout session makes me more open to people and gives me more confidence.

High intensity interval training that generates a bit of huff and puff is excellent for the health. Interval training works both the aerobic and the anaerobic system, to help build endurance and speed. It has been found to improve mitochondrial functioning, insulin levels, and heart and lung health. Exercise of vigorous intensity is associated with cardiovascular disease and cancer mortality benefits. Implementing high intensity training has also been shown to prevent or delay ageing.

For a balanced fitness program, strength training is essential. This comprises regular resistance training using your own body weight or weights. Strength training can slow the muscle loss that comes with age, build the strength of your muscles and connective tissues, increase bone density, cut your risk of injury, and help ease arthritis pain. Studies have found that muscle-building exercise can also improve balance, reduce the likelihood of falls, improve blood-sugar control, hormone improvement, sharpen thinking and memory, and improve sleep and mental health. It helps prevent frailty, which is the number one reason people go into dependent care. The more muscle mass older people have, the less likely they are to die prematurely.

Importantly, exercising the muscles releases myokines, which reduces the low-level inflammation in the body that contributes to heart disease, type 2 diabetes and Alzheimer's, as well as working as tumour suppressants. Inflammation is particularly nasty as it is a precursor to many diseases and conditions, including cancer, heart disease, diabetes, chronic pain, and arthritis. It could be argued that without inflammation, most disease would not even exist. Warding off inflammation involves proper exercise, eating a clean diet with reduced fats and sugars, reducing stress, adequate sleep, living in a good environment with good air and water quality, creating conditions of love and appreciation, and keeping positive attitudes.

In addition to cardio and strength training, it is vital to incorporate flexibility training too. Doing stretches and massaging the body loosens up the body. Flexibility training assists with posture, improves range of motion, improves circulation and blood flow, and reduces the risk of injury and pain.

Exercise can be thought of as a pill that boosts energy and strength and improves resistance to disease. Physical exercise improves appearance and confidence, keeps hormonal balance and is a critical ingredient to staying fit and healthy.

While exercise is good for the body, it is important to avoid over-exercising. This can arise in endurance sports from repetitive overuse or where the body is exhausted without sufficient rest to restore and rejuvenate. It is worth noting that females have a longer life expectancy but they don't necessarily exercise as vigorously as males.

An exercise routine does not need to take long. Thirty minutes of exercise three times a week touching on cardio, strength and flexibility, in combination with an active lifestyle, is sufficient. This could be extended further when training for a specific sport or fitness goal. 

The Plague of Media

The media is mostly garbage and the consumption of media without proper critique is a disease.

Today's western media is increasingly conformist and opinionated, far removed from factual reporting.

There is a constant discussion of topics that bear little interest to me, but are referred to time and time again. These include ways to climb the corporate ladder, saving for retirement, equating success to getting rich, politics, sexism, the gap between generations, human rights, LGBT rights, refugees, climate change, weight loss and obesity. There is a total focus on the US, which makes up less than 5% of the world population, whereas regions that I believe are experiencing the most difficulty get completed ignored, such as Yemen, Syria and Somalia.

There is no discussion of issues that I feel are more important such as nature, science, maximising our lives, satisfaction, spirituality, and stories of people doing amazing things with their lives.

The media is plagued with inaccuracies, even from so called reputable sources. It is becoming increasing politically correct. There are no alternative viewpoints, despite their claim to support free speech. The media is making people dumb. Although I receive less exposure to media from other countries, I have anecdotal accounts suggesting that there are similar issues plaguing media in non-western countries.

Update (28/9/18): I am going to formally quit (or attempt to quit) reading Fairfax news and News.com.au and really any Australia media.
1. Way too American leaning, and anti Trump and anti China
2. Way too feminist, always discussion about sexism against females
3. Too much politics
4. Always discussio about crime
5. Always politically correct, never cracking jokes
I hate Australian media opinions and their negative effect on me. It may be a reflection of Australian people and their behaviour. It's fucking addictive but so destructive. I don't even give a fuck about the property news any more if I have to put up with their shit. I never used to consume the news like this when I was in school. It ruins the way you think, making you one dimensional just like Nazi Germany and lose creativity and the way to think independently

There is and never has been such a thing as right or wrong, equal or unequal. It is all one's interpretation and a certain prevailing interpretation is becoming normalised across western media.

Swayed

We are all swayed.

I am swayed by others, even if they are people I admire. I may see their photos on Instagram and feel I that I should emulate them.

I am swayed by my family that means well.

I am swayed by my friends, people I talk to, the content that I consume.

All of this is deceptive.

I must always pause and ask myself: what do I truly want right now.

I need to live my life and not have my life dictated by others.

I must not fall into the trap of reading news which does not add any value to my life.

It is easy to be swayed by others if I don't have a purpose with my life.

It is easy to fall in line with someone else's values or norms.

As we get older, we learn less. Our opinions harden.

This too is deceptive.