On the treadmill. Losing sight of my dreams.
This has been the disappointing reality of this year. I got caught up ruminating over how I can make another million as I realised that a few million in the bank doesn't make me feel rich and that my cash flow is not as good as I want it to be. My lack of happiness made me realise that there is no joy in winning the lottery as I would have put the proceeds to use in a similar way to what I have done.
In hindsight, I would not have chased another project if I had known how long and stressful it would have been. I spent months sourcing finance and chasing contractors to get the project off the ground. I researched purchasing more properties to make another few hundred thousand dollars. I wasted days trading the markets where I risk ten thousand dollars to only make a few hundred dollars, which is immensely stupid given that I could have aimed for a home run instead. I also made some long term strategic bets on gold and mining stocks given the risky global political and economic situation and impending clean energy boom.
I highly regret the trading and would not have pursued the property project if I had my time again, however I think it is prudent to invest in gold to hedge against the forthcoming downturn in the financial markets.
The desire for more wealth will never end. I thought it was over it when I documented my obsession with wealth, however I accept that the desire is deeply ingrained. I witness the same desire among wealthy acquaintances. I am unhappy while staying at home just thinking about ways to make money. I am not living any more. The time remaining until I wish to settle down is ticking down, so too the time remaining until I die. I have not dedicated time to planning my future or contemplating my deep endeavours as I feel the need to get the project underway and my investments sorted first.
The sole focus on my finances has killed other aspects of my life. While my health and fitness is very good and I enjoy spending an extended time with family, I have not devoted time to pursuing happiness or relationships. Initially, my situation was even worse as I was also occupied by explicit material and suffering from hair loss, where I was losing sex drive and contemplating a hair transplant, although both of these issues have since improved somewhat.
I keep procrastinating on my goals. My goals spreadsheet contains some big ticket items that I keep postponing until some undetermined later date. It hurts me that I have been stuck at home, while my youth is disappearing. Time is limited. I am cognisant of the fact that I must go for my goals. I have set the next year or two to complete my current goal list by ticking off my goals one by one and end the endless delay.
I am bitterly sad that I have not committed to living the life I want and travelling to the destinations I wanted to go this year. I wanted to do an extended stay in Latin America after enjoying my previous visits and the simple things in life. I haven't committed. I wanted to do a few trips to Antarctica. I haven't done one yet. I wanted to drive the Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Porsches. I haven't even driven one. There are other goals I have and I will need to start making in-roads on each. One by one.
I remember when I had a brain, but that brain was taken over by the pursuit of vanity, under the glorified pretence of riches. I remember that I am given to a certain perspective of the world. As a gambler's mind is trapped in a world of their own, so too each human and living creature has their own versions of reality. There are also many out of the world experiences recorded in history which challenge conventional perspective, including the biblical accounts of Jonah's time in a belly of a big fish and Elijah with the fiery horses. Each being's reality is simply their own.
I have suffered a lack of epiphanies. My thinking has become more monotone, a consequence of overuse of the analytical part of the brain over the creative, over-consumption of media, and the set routine of the daily grind. Subject to slavery to preoccupation confined to the financial, discovery becomes limited and both wisdom and peace distant.
What's the point of living to simply work day by day accumulating money to no end? I just carve out a meagre existence where I am surviving, not thriving. I am put onto this planet for a moment in time with no certainty about what happens after my life is over. In this brief window of time I must take action to go for what I desire, while accepting the risks and rewards.
If my end goal is bliss, I suspect I will not be overly motivated building a company. Building a business to achieve more money than everyone else is what is shown to be successful in the media and I lap it up. I am no happier with $2 million than when I had $50,000. Yet, I am enticed by the billionaires of the world, I read about it and all my friends are working for the money. In the world's eyes success is just about money and fame. I have the wealth, health, and fame and none of them have brought me any joy. I have forsaken happiness in the trade off for wealth. People who are successful in business live and breath it and it's just not what I am after.
Acknowledging the deviation from and deferment of my goals coupled with my own loss of consciousness, I have to find the will to press the reset button to re-calibrate.
This has been the disappointing reality of this year. I got caught up ruminating over how I can make another million as I realised that a few million in the bank doesn't make me feel rich and that my cash flow is not as good as I want it to be. My lack of happiness made me realise that there is no joy in winning the lottery as I would have put the proceeds to use in a similar way to what I have done.
In hindsight, I would not have chased another project if I had known how long and stressful it would have been. I spent months sourcing finance and chasing contractors to get the project off the ground. I researched purchasing more properties to make another few hundred thousand dollars. I wasted days trading the markets where I risk ten thousand dollars to only make a few hundred dollars, which is immensely stupid given that I could have aimed for a home run instead. I also made some long term strategic bets on gold and mining stocks given the risky global political and economic situation and impending clean energy boom.
I highly regret the trading and would not have pursued the property project if I had my time again, however I think it is prudent to invest in gold to hedge against the forthcoming downturn in the financial markets.
The desire for more wealth will never end. I thought it was over it when I documented my obsession with wealth, however I accept that the desire is deeply ingrained. I witness the same desire among wealthy acquaintances. I am unhappy while staying at home just thinking about ways to make money. I am not living any more. The time remaining until I wish to settle down is ticking down, so too the time remaining until I die. I have not dedicated time to planning my future or contemplating my deep endeavours as I feel the need to get the project underway and my investments sorted first.
The sole focus on my finances has killed other aspects of my life. While my health and fitness is very good and I enjoy spending an extended time with family, I have not devoted time to pursuing happiness or relationships. Initially, my situation was even worse as I was also occupied by explicit material and suffering from hair loss, where I was losing sex drive and contemplating a hair transplant, although both of these issues have since improved somewhat.
I keep procrastinating on my goals. My goals spreadsheet contains some big ticket items that I keep postponing until some undetermined later date. It hurts me that I have been stuck at home, while my youth is disappearing. Time is limited. I am cognisant of the fact that I must go for my goals. I have set the next year or two to complete my current goal list by ticking off my goals one by one and end the endless delay.
I am bitterly sad that I have not committed to living the life I want and travelling to the destinations I wanted to go this year. I wanted to do an extended stay in Latin America after enjoying my previous visits and the simple things in life. I haven't committed. I wanted to do a few trips to Antarctica. I haven't done one yet. I wanted to drive the Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Porsches. I haven't even driven one. There are other goals I have and I will need to start making in-roads on each. One by one.
I remember when I had a brain, but that brain was taken over by the pursuit of vanity, under the glorified pretence of riches. I remember that I am given to a certain perspective of the world. As a gambler's mind is trapped in a world of their own, so too each human and living creature has their own versions of reality. There are also many out of the world experiences recorded in history which challenge conventional perspective, including the biblical accounts of Jonah's time in a belly of a big fish and Elijah with the fiery horses. Each being's reality is simply their own.
I have suffered a lack of epiphanies. My thinking has become more monotone, a consequence of overuse of the analytical part of the brain over the creative, over-consumption of media, and the set routine of the daily grind. Subject to slavery to preoccupation confined to the financial, discovery becomes limited and both wisdom and peace distant.
What's the point of living to simply work day by day accumulating money to no end? I just carve out a meagre existence where I am surviving, not thriving. I am put onto this planet for a moment in time with no certainty about what happens after my life is over. In this brief window of time I must take action to go for what I desire, while accepting the risks and rewards.
If my end goal is bliss, I suspect I will not be overly motivated building a company. Building a business to achieve more money than everyone else is what is shown to be successful in the media and I lap it up. I am no happier with $2 million than when I had $50,000. Yet, I am enticed by the billionaires of the world, I read about it and all my friends are working for the money. In the world's eyes success is just about money and fame. I have the wealth, health, and fame and none of them have brought me any joy. I have forsaken happiness in the trade off for wealth. People who are successful in business live and breath it and it's just not what I am after.
Acknowledging the deviation from and deferment of my goals coupled with my own loss of consciousness, I have to find the will to press the reset button to re-calibrate.
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