Waiting

Waiting

Some count the time;
Until longings satisfied.
For those aware;
Opportunities laid bare.

Sway of the night

According to worn trusted lore
One stroke three makes three score four
Harried hush lullaby
From who did Mary learn to lie
Mixing spirts bold with vigour
Crescendo, aplomb
Come hither

Rush and crashing
Swirling lights
Movement trajectory
Swim out of sight
The beats boom
The hooves play
Wander where she will end today

Why Do I...

I have compiled some of the interesting behaviours that I consciously or unconsciously exhibit. These are my admissions. Some I can answer, some I cannot. Some are good, and some can be classified as disturbing. Although that may be the case, I am looking to address some of these issues and people have committed far worse deeds.

Why do I...

• keep touching my chin?
• cross my legs when I don't want to?
• get stomach aches from wearly slightly tight clothing?
• sneeze several times every morning?
• find it difficult to behave in a manner congruent to my true nature at work?
• become fiercely competitive over menial tasks?
• get horny reading about sex with young girls in the news?
• love hearing sex jokes that go too far?
• become tense in my pc muscles when I have a critical deadline to meet?
• think that the shirt I choose to wear will affect how the day turns out?
• feel that mosquitoes and small insects are biting me while I sleep?
• have an inner desire to commit violent crimes against people who are mean to me?
• react aggressively to minor annoyances?
• feel that there is something wrong with me when others tell me I am fine?
• like to flout speeding laws while driving in a car down a mountain?
• get excited about the direction of lines?
• enjoy crazy, out of the ordinary, and awkward situations?

Writing these posts sometimes takes me away from my goals. I have to continuously focus on aligning myself to the person who I want to be.

Lessons for Running a Successful Business

1. Satisfy your customers
2. Motivate your people
3. Work hard.
4. Behave consistently
5. Prepare for the future
6. Control costs

Devote yourself to it 100 per cent and be prepared to take a few hits along the way. Take risks, but make sure to have the worst case outcomes covered.

Don't dwell on regret or failures, but adapt quickly to changes and move on to more positive things. Don't criticise others, but ask people for advice.

It is also handy to have a customer before you start a business.

Be

I will build myself into the person I want to be (re: Goals). The joy is in the process/journey (re: The Journey is the Success).

I will be true to who I am (re: Who I Am). This is my core reason for existence.

I have let myself down in the past year (not enjoying work and letting work and circumstance affect me). I have to take responsibility. Every second not living the way I want is a second wasted (life is short).

It Wasn't Meant To Be Like This

I never envisaged this is the way things were to turn out.

I always looked for a way out at university. A way out of doing the study but still achieving the results at the end. I mocked those who put in large amounts of effort because I thought it was a waste of time.

Now, I am in that place. I spend my life, five days of it, toiling for a weekly wage. I ask myself why I am a slave to money. It is not the most enjoyable pursuit. Chasing a pot of gold at the end that is never reached.

I had studied hard to get into university. I remember thinking to myself I will never work this hard again. It is time to reap the fruits of my labour.

But it was not meant to be. I spent university toiling for a degree I did not want. Endless hours perfecting that assignment, reinforcing that concept into my brain. I thought once I land a job, this is it. Now I can live the life.

Now I discover that this job thing is not what I thought it was. Instead, most people are striving to get that promotion. That little extra bit of dollar. So they can put in more hours into work to try for another promotion. But for what? What is the goal? Not only that, but work is tiresome. I can feel it wearing me out. Now I find myself looking for a way out.

But then what alternative is there if I am not working? I know that, in many cases, not working is not enjoyable too because of the increased risk of isolation, laziness and wasting time on the meaningless. It has to be asked what are good alternatives to work. What is the perfect day (or variations of it) you can live everyday of your life?

I had imagined myself living it up. 5 star resorts. Partying in Ibiza. Visiting remote parts of the world. Helping poor communities. Straight from the excitement of those old Lonely Planet tv shows.

It was not meant to be like this.

Self Worth

I discovered a few thoughts on internal validation to add to my post (re: New World).

I believe that the missing ingredient in my life was solid self worth. I found that a pervasive negativity was gradually eroding my own self worth.

The guiding principle for me (and possibly everyone) is:

I know and accept my self worth.

The only thing I must remember is my self worth (and that my time is my most precious and least renewable asset).

I will always go for my goals with a solid self worth, backing myself to perform to the best of my abilities every time (and others will sense this).

I must detach the outcome of success with girls, investments, etc with my own identity. I am worth it regardless of what my results are. Whatever result I may achieve does not affect who I am.

Your self worth is not dictated by what other people say or do. It is not dictated by your pay check, the friends you have, or what others think of you.

You decide what your own perceived self worth is.

Your self worth is dictated by you alone. You alone know who you are, what you stand for, and what you are capable of. It's okay to be just who you are.

After all, there is no one you spend more time with than yourself.

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Self worth is an overall measure of how much we value ourselves and give priority to our own needs and happiness. High self worth means loving ourselves unconditionally in all situations and in all areas of our lives. To have a high degree of self worth, we must still love ourselves even when we make mistakes or do dumb things - no matter how bad they were.

Think of self esteem as composed of two parts - the unconditional part, and the conditional part. The unconditional self-valuing part is our self worth. The conditional self-valuing part is our self confidence. The most important part is the self worth (unconditional) part.

Think of your life as a movie in which you are the central character. In the movie, "This is Your Life," you are the main character and star. Everything that happens to you is of major significance in the plot of the movie. Your growth and development over the course of the movie are the main themes in the movie. How are you doing so far?

How to build self worth:

• Recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy.
• Self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, compassion, and respect as you would treat a special friend; developing habits to take good care of yourself - your body and mind, each part of yourself, and by managing your time and resources well
• Trust, listen to, and rely upon your own feelings and not automatically respond to the feelings of other people.
• Analyse yourself - your experience, talents, skills, strengths, what you want to do with your life, your health, and what makes you fulfilled.
• Stop making your self-worth conditional on other people, stand up for your own preferences.
• Tell yourself that you matter by making set times during the day to remind yourself that you're a great person; tell yourself you're special, wonderful, lovable, and loved.
• Prove to yourself that you matter by recognizing and accepting responsibility - owning up to the fact that you are in control of your attitude, your reactions, and your sense of worth; focus on what you need to do to change the situation and work on your resilience rather than use blame as a source of coping.
• Recognize opportunities and work with them through meeting people, realistically appraising challenges and budgeting
• Value yourself regardless of your job and earnings
• Value your time, keeping the time for you and those you love and reducing the amount you give away to others
• Make time on a regular basis to check on your progress in building your self-worth and be patient, don't try to please everyone all the time, live in the present, note your accomplishments, compete with yourself not others, express your feelings instead of bottling them up.

New World

As we see out the final day of 2009 and enter 2010, one decade closes and another one begins.

Figuratively, I see the new year as a new beginning. A chance to wipe the slate clean and start anew.

This will be a fresh start for me. There were many things I was holding on to, but I know that now I have to accept what has happened and move on. (Is accepting the missing ingredient for lasting peace? (re: Drilling) It has been a depressing past year in some respects. It has been an inner battle. I know that there is nothing I can do to change the past. I know that a feel good activity won't fix my state of mind.) Accept the past. Go forward in my life. Make the future the best it can be. Now.

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Two days before the new year I came to the understanding that God loves me.

I have thought about God and religion a fair bit over the last year. I will say that I believe that God is with me and that God loves me. After all, I am searching for and open to God, I try to do what is right and I help others by volunteering. I know I can improve but essentially I think I am a good, nice and just person. Plus, I received a leaflet that says 'God loves you!'.

Two days after the new year I rediscovered domination.

During a game of Wacky Wheels I rediscovered what it felt like to have the burning drive to dominate others. This mentality had been missing after a sapping period when things that could go wrong did go wrong. I believe that the desire to completely dominate benefits me. It empowers me to win point after point after point. It motivates me to focus on winning with unrelenting, overwhelming force.