Music and Life

I spend all my life thinking about life. I wonder. I ponder.

Life is like the animation ‘music and life’. The message I took from the short animation is to enjoy life while you can, not just striving for the end. You never know when the music stops. The enjoyment of the music (or as I term it ‘happiness’) is what really matters. Everything in life is a quest for happiness.

We often hear expressions like "the journey is its own reward", yet most of us tend to live jumping from one achievement to the next. We often think that everything will be so much better when we graduate, get a job, get a raise, buy our own house, get married, pay off our car, start our own business, make x dollars, or retire. We talk about living for the moment, yet remain focused on the next accomplishment, purchase or life milestone. We probably achieved all the things we wanted 10 years ago, but we are still in the same place.

Instead of looking for the next mountain to climb or goal to cross off your bucket list, how about just enjoying what you are doing now?

You have to accept the universe and everything in your life as it is. Your wanting self will go away and you will be happy. There is nothing you have to get, do, or be to be happy. Invest in the process for our goals, not the outcome as the outcome is only there to give direction.

I believe you enjoy life through doing what you like and liking what you do. I have a theory that you subconsciously like what you are doing, otherwise, you won’t be doing it. This forces you to think about what you are doing. It makes you question why you are doing what you are doing* and hence think about the decisions and actions to maximise your utility.

* The question is 'why'. Why am I working? Why do I want to amass money? Why am I getting out of bed? Why am I doing this when there is not a compelling reason to do it? Why am I chasing these goals I have set for myself?

Stuck

The last couple of weeks have been extremely trying for me.

I felt stuck with no way out. I knew where I wanted to go but when I was immersed in the situation, it felt too hard to get out from. All this was negatively affecting my well being and was causing my happiness levels to go backwards.

The demotion in my job, the failed leads in my career, the stagnating business, the broken relationships, the friends who left me. I was not getting anywhere and despite my knowledge and conniving I was not finding a way out. Added to that, all my time was caught up in this misery that gave way to more misery creating a vicious hurt cycle.

I was way too caught up on the problems and how bad the situation was and I was spending all my time on the continuing stream of work I had that I pushed what mattered to the side. I thought I was too good to take care of my wellbeing, that I didn't need it, that once I fixed my problems then I can focus on happiness. I was wrong.

Instead, I felt down and couldn't concentrate on my work, my business, my life. I was stressed out, started losing my hair, and not socialising.

I am lucky I realised this early and that I have this resource to draw upon. I remembered some happiness lessons and put them into practice. I was not following my own writings captured in this blog.

Addiction

The process of addiction can be good or bad. It can be good if it aligns with your purpose, but in many cases it can be harmful. Addiction can come in many forms. We may associate addiction with drugs, fast food, television, sex, work, money, status, power, beauty, motivational literature, meetings, news and the media, and the people around us, with these addictions common for people all walks of life. In recent times, virtual reality addiction is becoming increasingly prevalent, including addiction to the internet, email, games, pornography and gambling.

The addiction to virtual reality is more becoming commonplace with the widespread use of technology and devices like smartphones that keep us connected at all times. A side effect of social media is an increase in egocentric behaviour.

The addiction to money is pervasive in today's society. It is related to the addiction to work because it becomes stronger if you are immersed in your work on a daily basis. It is common to want a higher (or even two times your) salary, even though the value added after tax is minimal. The addiction never ends, no matter how rich you are. There is never enough.

The addiction to work is becoming just as common. It creeps up over time. Each year that goes by, slight modifications become the new normal. The boundaries between work and life slip away until all you have left is work.

The addiction to gambling is endemic. Everywhere you turn, you see gambling stores and advertising. It manifests itself in sports betting, casino, and day trading. The odds are heavily stacked against you. For trading, the broker charges commissions, spreads, daily interest charges, and dividend charges. The end result is that 85% of traders lose (or break even) over a three year or greater period [1] [2] [3]. In addition, there is the lost opportunity cost, which in many ways outweighs the financial losses.

As an example, my mum always warned me against playing with shares and how it was like gambling. I never listened. It became gambling for me. I fell into the trap of gambling. I had a gambling problem when I was younger when I played games and I said I would stop but I did not stop. I wasted thousands of hours trading the markets for a total loss of $45k over seven years until I quit in July 2016. The broker charges actually exceeded my total loss, which meant that I would have made a small profit if there were no broker charges. I will use my time for what makes me happy instead.

Addiction becomes worship. It is something you gradually slip into day after day, without being aware of it. If you worship money, you will never have enough. If you worship beauty, you will always feel ugly. If you worship power, you feel weak and afraid. If you worship intellect, you feel stupid and on the verge of being found out.

People who are addicted allow their additions to define who they are. They are defined by the money they have, the job they are in, their physical appearance, or whatever form their addition takes.

These addictions can act as a distraction to who you really are and what you really want to do. Similar to procrastination, time just passes you by and if you do eventually wake up, you are faced with the reality of your life situation. You realise it when you still have the same problems but have done nothing about them or if you see that your life has passed by in a blur but not in a way you truly wanted it to go. In effect, you may have wasted your life. In situations like these, the addiction can be detrimental. To counter this addiction, it is appropriate to set boundaries so you can focus on really matters.

My trading addiction killed me in 2019-21.

My news addiction is harming me. A recent study found that people with an obsessive urge to constantly check the news are more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety, as well as physical ill health [1] [2].

Study of Communication

Over the ages there have been many models developed on communication.

To summarise a few, communication must achieve an effect by considering the source, message, channel and receiver. It is assisted by overlapping experiences and membership in primary groups but semantic noise can act as a barrier.

Successful communication depends upon the receiver. As a communications source, we can spend a lot of time preparing messages and in selecting channels, but if the receiver doesn't get the message, we haven't communicated.

It is as Aristotle said 300 years before the birth of Christ: "For of the three elements in speech-making — speaker, subject, and person addressed — it is the last one, the hearer, that determines the speech's end and object."

Actions speak louder than words. It is worth reminding that communication is 7% verbal (words used), 38% vocal (tone of voice), and 55% visual (body language). Note that the rule applies where a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes.

Speeches are an important aspect of communication. Great speeches work because they capture at least one of the following elements: they seize the moment, they employ stylish language, they project their speaker's good character, they rouse our emotions, and they use evidence wisely and dramatically to make their case. A great speech should challenge the audience and encourage them to think anew. The speaker should show belief, intelligence, and use concrete language.

Teenage Crush

And then it hit me.

We all have our teenage crushes. Mine was worse than most. I craved for this girl in high school, thought about her way too much, dreamt about her, prayed about spending my life with her, longed to be with her.

It was never meant to be. There was no teenage dirtbag fairytale. I was way too shy to talk to her, let alone ask her out. I was jealous of her boyfriends. She was in a totally different crowd to me, the type I slightly envied.

I had tried to reach her years after graduating and pored hours into my desperate search to tell her my feelings. One day, four years later I came across her father’s email address while doing a search for her on the internet. I contacted him to contact her. It didn’t work. Later, I somehow found her email address and sent her a long email revealing how I felt about her. She took it well but she was in a long term relationship and my heart dropped.

I stopped contacting her and recently she reinitiated contact. It brought back a lot of memories. I felt that it is comforting to open up about this and wish us all the best with our futures.

It Wasn't Meant To Be Like This (2)

On the plane to and from my holiday I cried.

I cried tears for the life I am living. I knew that the time for action is now. I knew that if I did not change the way I lived I would live a life I would later regret.

The same themes ran through my head. This time I had to take a leap of faith. Now.

Will I waste my life knowing I want something but not going for it or will I take action today?

Life is too short. I cannot continue to live the way I am living. I will regret it in ten years time. I want to escape. I want to live.

I know that it is myself that is most important. Others don't matter - what they say or do doesn't matter.

I hope that there is a God who cares and I resolve to take the Alpha course.

I kept remembering the time when I was passionate and determined to succeed at one thing. Earth 2025, year 12. I had given it all and achieved the results I wanted. I have to relive this passion. This is more important than my career.

I have achieved all I want to achieve in my career. I am unhappy even though I have a good job. I know I should stop going for jobs. Instead, I should emulate the people who have achieved what I want to achieve. I didn't study five years for this.

Everyday is there to be enjoyed. It's God's gift for me.

No Regrets

It is pointless to live a life with regret.

I have to make a decision to be confident and do what I want. The main thing is self assurance and doing what I want. With this comes freedom.

Take time to stop and think. Think about your actions.

Ask yourself, 'what will I think of my actions one year from now?' and 'what would you do if you were going to die soon?'. Use this to guide your current actions.

Make the most of the time you have. Live with no regrets.

Musings on Time

There are two things certain in life - birth and death. You decide what happens in between. We live this life cycle - birth, new life, and death - our time is deceptively brief.

During my holidays, time was always on my mind. The time to check out, the time to catch the plane, the time to meet people, the time back home. Time and life are so interconnected.

---------------------------------

Time is everything. Time cannot be bought.

Nothing in this universe is permanent. Everything is temporary.

Nothing really matters. The only certainty is change over time.

---------------------------------

For everyone, the clock is ticking. We will likely become the result of what occupies the majority of our time and the people around us, unless we take action to change it.

Life is a series of decisions. We make the decisions all the time. Our decisions have led us to where we are now. The habits we form and the decisions we make affect the rest of our lives.

The Feeling of Real

Sometimes moments strike you and you know in your heart this is real.

I feel this way when listening to P. Diddy ft Keyshia Cole - Last Night. That song really strikes accord with me and I feel its raw emotion, the beauty, the deep meaning that it expresses. I feel the same way when viewing the stark images from the winners of the World Press Photo contest.

I felt this way tonight when I sat outside alone listening to the drops of rain falling amidst silence in a penthouse looking out into the night sky.

Livin the Dream

Over the weekend I read about a brilliant entrepreneur named Elon Musk. Musk wrote and sold his first software aged 12 and then went on to co-found Paypal and Tesla. Eight years ago, at age 31, he founded SpaceX, currently the most advanced and ambitious private space company with the aim of one day taking humans to Mars. In between, he flies fighter jets, dates actresses, and contributes to philanthropy.

Musk's story has reinvigorated me and given me new purpose. His story is inspirational. His determination to succeed is clear. His passion is evident. He works 100 hours a week. He knows why he does what he does and is driven to that pursuit. He aims for the stars.

After I read this story one thing came to my mind.

Every day you are living the dream because you are pursuing the dream.

I am very excited about the future. My life is moving to a very exciting phase. I know that there are two choices in life - to control my life or let others control it for me. I have chosen to control my life and I have made a conscientious decision to live my dream everyday. I choose to live a dream fulfilled life.

-------------------------------------------

Another thing that got me excited this weekend was The Giving Pledge started by Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. As of August 2010, forty billionaires had committed to giving at least half their wealth to charity. This wonderful cause will bring great benefit to many.

What Makes Me Happy?

I have been compiling a list of stuff that makes me happy and unhappy over the past six years from 2006 to 2011. It is good to refer to this list to know exactly what makes me feel good and do more of the stuff that feels good.

Sources of happiness (number of occurrences denoted in brackets):

• Out with friends (42)
• Activities - water, food, dance (17)
• Holidays - visiting sites (16)
• Game, dates (10)
• Contentment and self belief (8)
• Exercise - cycling (5)
• Family (5)

Sources of unahppiness:

• Job rejection (14)
• Pick up - not going well, rejections (8)
• Work - job, university (8)
• Feeling down, low state, introspection, unsure (7)
• Computer, mechanical problems (5)

Update (13/3/2011): I have come to the conclusion that my dream life (and how it looks every day) is not so extravagant. It is pretty simple. Do more of what makes me happy and less of what makes me unhappy. This list is different for different people. But for me, is a mixture of the above and living it every day of my life.

Update (10/8/2012): Work (13%, 2 happy days - 13.5 sad days), investments (44%, 3.5 - 4.5), and business (57%, 4 - 3) do not make me happy, especially when compared to my total happiness score of (74%, 102 - 36) over the last four years.

Update (9/6/2013): I come to realise that the high life, good food and accommodation does not make me happy. I want a companion, but this has not necessarily made me happy in the past and in fact, the desire has made me unhappy.

World Cup

The world cup has come and gone. The greatest sporting spectacle on this planet.

I vividly remember the moments of past world cups. The captivation it brings to nations, the euphoria and the heartbreak. A rollercoaster of sheer emotion.

This world cup has been no different. After the final whistle as Spain triumphed 1-0 over the Netherlands, I was riding a wave of epiphanical proportions. It was beautiful. Spiritual. I felt that anything is possible.

The whole day was the world cup. From the celebration in Spain to the replays that flash across my mind. The culmination of festivities to Paul the oracle octopus. It was beautiful.

Complaint Free World

Many people are stuck in the cycle of negativity. I know I have had times where negativity was affecting me and preventing me from doing what I wanted.

A Complaint Free World has created a challenge designed to break this negativity, thereby creating positivity. It is based on the premise that a habit of gratitude forms when you go 21 days without complaining.

Basically, you put a wristband on one wrist and every time you complain you have to switch it to the other wrist. The objective is to try and keep it on one wrist for 21 days. Sounds simple enough, but much harder in reality.

Similarly, you can apply the same principle with the wristband to other negative behaviours, such as blaming others, impressing others, comparing yourself with others, and being with negative people.

---

Instead of complaining, learn to relax. Being in a state of relaxation is good for the mind, body and spirit.

---

I had an experience where I was initially focusing on bad things that happened to me and then I switched my focus to good things that I was grateful for. I noticed how much happier I felt when I was focusing on the good and how much I was swearing and getting pissed off when focusing on the bad.

Ask Yourself

Q: What stands between you and your dreams?

A: You. Oftentimes, you may think it is money, time, resources, people, talent. But it is up to you to make time, source capital, find people, build knowledge to make it happen. Time is running out - do what is important to reach your dreams.

Although, sometimes there are structural reasons blocking your dreams, for example where you are not physically capable of it.

Redefining Success

In business as in science, it seems that you are often most successful in achieving something when you are trying to do something else.

The more importance that you place on a goal, the more unnecessary pressure is placed on yourself, leading to stress and unhappiness. Let go of the need for success at all costs (and if it fails, move on). Selfish goals, such as making more profit or finding a marriage partner, should be supplanted by a higher aim that is connected to the goal, such as living and breathing a passion. Learn to enjoy and live the higher aim and success will come as a result.

Goals may lead to underachievement, cutting ethical corners, or impairment of other areas of your life. Behind our fixation on goals is a deep unease with feelings of uncertainty. Learning to accommodate feelings of uncertainty is not just the key to a more balanced life but often leads to prosperity as well. In an interview with 45 successful entrepreneurs, all of whom had taken at least one business public, almost none embraced the idea of writing comprehensive business plans or conducting extensive market research. Rather than choosing a goal and then making a plan to achieve it, they took stock of the means and materials at their disposal, then imagined the possible ends.

Waiting

Waiting

Some count the time;
Until longings satisfied.
For those aware;
Opportunities laid bare.

Sway of the night

According to worn trusted lore
One stroke three makes three score four
Harried hush lullaby
From who did Mary learn to lie
Mixing spirts bold with vigour
Crescendo, aplomb
Come hither

Rush and crashing
Swirling lights
Movement trajectory
Swim out of sight
The beats boom
The hooves play
Wander where she will end today

Why Do I...

I have compiled some of the interesting behaviours that I consciously or unconsciously exhibit. These are my admissions. Some I can answer, some I cannot. Some are good, and some can be classified as disturbing. Although that may be the case, I am looking to address some of these issues and people have committed far worse deeds.

Why do I...

• keep touching my chin?
• cross my legs when I don't want to?
• get stomach aches from wearly slightly tight clothing?
• sneeze several times every morning?
• find it difficult to behave in a manner congruent to my true nature at work?
• become fiercely competitive over menial tasks?
• get horny reading about sex with young girls in the news?
• love hearing sex jokes that go too far?
• become tense in my pc muscles when I have a critical deadline to meet?
• think that the shirt I choose to wear will affect how the day turns out?
• feel that mosquitoes and small insects are biting me while I sleep?
• have an inner desire to commit violent crimes against people who are mean to me?
• react aggressively to minor annoyances?
• feel that there is something wrong with me when others tell me I am fine?
• like to flout speeding laws while driving in a car down a mountain?
• get excited about the direction of lines?
• enjoy crazy, out of the ordinary, and awkward situations?

Writing these posts sometimes takes me away from my goals. I have to continuously focus on aligning myself to the person who I want to be.

Lessons for Running a Successful Business

1. Satisfy your customers
2. Motivate your people
3. Work hard.
4. Behave consistently
5. Prepare for the future
6. Control costs

Devote yourself to it 100 per cent and be prepared to take a few hits along the way. Take risks, but make sure to have the worst case outcomes covered.

Don't dwell on regret or failures, but adapt quickly to changes and move on to more positive things. Don't criticise others, but ask people for advice.

It is also handy to have a customer before you start a business.

Be

I will build myself into the person I want to be (re: Goals). The joy is in the process/journey (re: The Journey is the Success).

I will be true to who I am (re: Who I Am). This is my core reason for existence.

I have let myself down in the past year (not enjoying work and letting work and circumstance affect me). I have to take responsibility. Every second not living the way I want is a second wasted (life is short).

It Wasn't Meant To Be Like This

I never envisaged this is the way things were to turn out.

I always looked for a way out at university. A way out of doing the study but still achieving the results at the end. I mocked those who put in large amounts of effort because I thought it was a waste of time.

Now, I am in that place. I spend my life, five days of it, toiling for a weekly wage. I ask myself why I am a slave to money. It is not the most enjoyable pursuit. Chasing a pot of gold at the end that is never reached.

I had studied hard to get into university. I remember thinking to myself I will never work this hard again. It is time to reap the fruits of my labour.

But it was not meant to be. I spent university toiling for a degree I did not want. Endless hours perfecting that assignment, reinforcing that concept into my brain. I thought once I land a job, this is it. Now I can live the life.

Now I discover that this job thing is not what I thought it was. Instead, most people are striving to get that promotion. That little extra bit of dollar. So they can put in more hours into work to try for another promotion. But for what? What is the goal? Not only that, but work is tiresome. I can feel it wearing me out. Now I find myself looking for a way out.

But then what alternative is there if I am not working? I know that, in many cases, not working is not enjoyable too because of the increased risk of isolation, laziness and wasting time on the meaningless. It has to be asked what are good alternatives to work. What is the perfect day (or variations of it) you can live everyday of your life?

I had imagined myself living it up. 5 star resorts. Partying in Ibiza. Visiting remote parts of the world. Helping poor communities. Straight from the excitement of those old Lonely Planet tv shows.

It was not meant to be like this.

Self Worth

I discovered a few thoughts on internal validation to add to my post (re: New World).

I believe that the missing ingredient in my life was solid self worth. I found that a pervasive negativity was gradually eroding my own self worth.

The guiding principle for me (and possibly everyone) is:

I know and accept my self worth.

The only thing I must remember is my self worth (and that my time is my most precious and least renewable asset).

I will always go for my goals with a solid self worth, backing myself to perform to the best of my abilities every time (and others will sense this).

I must detach the outcome of success with girls, investments, etc with my own identity. I am worth it regardless of what my results are. Whatever result I may achieve does not affect who I am.

Your self worth is not dictated by what other people say or do. It is not dictated by your pay check, the friends you have, or what others think of you.

You decide what your own perceived self worth is.

Your self worth is dictated by you alone. You alone know who you are, what you stand for, and what you are capable of. It's okay to be just who you are.

After all, there is no one you spend more time with than yourself.

-------------------------------------------

Self worth is an overall measure of how much we value ourselves and give priority to our own needs and happiness. High self worth means loving ourselves unconditionally in all situations and in all areas of our lives. To have a high degree of self worth, we must still love ourselves even when we make mistakes or do dumb things - no matter how bad they were.

Think of self esteem as composed of two parts - the unconditional part, and the conditional part. The unconditional self-valuing part is our self worth. The conditional self-valuing part is our self confidence. The most important part is the self worth (unconditional) part.

Think of your life as a movie in which you are the central character. In the movie, "This is Your Life," you are the main character and star. Everything that happens to you is of major significance in the plot of the movie. Your growth and development over the course of the movie are the main themes in the movie. How are you doing so far?

How to build self worth:

• Recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy.
• Self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, compassion, and respect as you would treat a special friend; developing habits to take good care of yourself - your body and mind, each part of yourself, and by managing your time and resources well
• Trust, listen to, and rely upon your own feelings and not automatically respond to the feelings of other people.
• Analyse yourself - your experience, talents, skills, strengths, what you want to do with your life, your health, and what makes you fulfilled.
• Stop making your self-worth conditional on other people, stand up for your own preferences.
• Tell yourself that you matter by making set times during the day to remind yourself that you're a great person; tell yourself you're special, wonderful, lovable, and loved.
• Prove to yourself that you matter by recognizing and accepting responsibility - owning up to the fact that you are in control of your attitude, your reactions, and your sense of worth; focus on what you need to do to change the situation and work on your resilience rather than use blame as a source of coping.
• Recognize opportunities and work with them through meeting people, realistically appraising challenges and budgeting
• Value yourself regardless of your job and earnings
• Value your time, keeping the time for you and those you love and reducing the amount you give away to others
• Make time on a regular basis to check on your progress in building your self-worth and be patient, don't try to please everyone all the time, live in the present, note your accomplishments, compete with yourself not others, express your feelings instead of bottling them up.

New World

As we see out the final day of 2009 and enter 2010, one decade closes and another one begins.

Figuratively, I see the new year as a new beginning. A chance to wipe the slate clean and start anew.

This will be a fresh start for me. There were many things I was holding on to, but I know that now I have to accept what has happened and move on. (Is accepting the missing ingredient for lasting peace? (re: Drilling) It has been a depressing past year in some respects. It has been an inner battle. I know that there is nothing I can do to change the past. I know that a feel good activity won't fix my state of mind.) Accept the past. Go forward in my life. Make the future the best it can be. Now.

---------------------------------------

Two days before the new year I came to the understanding that God loves me.

I have thought about God and religion a fair bit over the last year. I will say that I believe that God is with me and that God loves me. After all, I am searching for and open to God, I try to do what is right and I help others by volunteering. I know I can improve but essentially I think I am a good, nice and just person. Plus, I received a leaflet that says 'God loves you!'.

Two days after the new year I rediscovered domination.

During a game of Wacky Wheels I rediscovered what it felt like to have the burning drive to dominate others. This mentality had been missing after a sapping period when things that could go wrong did go wrong. I believe that the desire to completely dominate benefits me. It empowers me to win point after point after point. It motivates me to focus on winning with unrelenting, overwhelming force.